In the world of dating, we always tend to think about the first date. Should we kiss on the first date? How can we have a cheap first date when we are interested in someone but do not have a lot of money? Is sex on the first date really a possibility? But, despite the constant focus we see on the first date, the second date is far more important. The fact of the matter is that you need to date a person a second time to know if this one is the right one. A couple of years ago Cosmopolitan wrote about why the second date is so much more important than the first.

“People get so fixated on the first date, but really, that’s just a quick look,” says Helen Fisher, PhD, a biological anthropologist and chief scientific adviser to Match.com, who helped conduct its sixth annual Singles in America study. But after surveying experts and sifting through exclusive-to-Cosmo research about romantic success, we were surprised to learn that, in many ways, date no. 2 is much more meaningful than we ever thought. “That’s when you start to learn about your shared interests, ideas, and goals – all the things that can knit people together,” says Fisher.

There are some basic reasons why second dates are important. First, people who are interested in a long term relationship as opposed to a one night stand are a lot more interested in second dates, and thirds, and more. Second, after the first date jitters have subsided you will find it easier to decide if you really like this person. But, once you have talked about basic issues on a first date, what is there to talk about the second time around?

The Date Mix has several suggestions for second date things to talk about that will help you get to know this person better and help decide if he or she is the right one.

The good news is that second dates should be less nerve-wrecking than the first one (phew!) which means this is a great opportunity to really let your guard down and let your date get to know more about who you are, as well as to show them that you’re someone who they can trust to be more of themselves in front of.

Their five suggested topics are these.

A chance to revisit in depth things you previously mentioned in passing
Good memories that will give your new friend a better sense of who you really are
Talk about hour hopes and dreams and find out if your new friend might fit into the picture
Funny things you did is a good topic because it will help you see if your new friend has a good sense of humor.
The “what do you think about your life” question can be a bit tricky as not everyone will want to reveal that much about their life on a second date but it is worth a try.

A second date will allow you to get a clearer opinion of your new friend and help you decide if a third date is a good idea.