Why Are You So Insecure about Dating?

Too many options and too many rules can get in the way of the successful search for a partner in bed or in life. Psychology Today looks at Why Millennials Are Failing to Shack Up.

Fewer Millennials are in long term, committed relationships than any generation past. According to Pew Research Center, 59 percent of adults ages 18-29 were married in 1960, while only 20 percent of adults that age were in 2011. And, from a recent Gallup poll, 64 percent of 18-29 year olds are not living with or married to a partner.

Why is this?

Contrary to popular belief, the majority of Millennials are not having rampant, or even frequent, casual sex.

So for those of us who aren’t married and aren’t having prolific sex, what are we doing?

Trying to decide.

By producing a surplus of options, online dating has ironically yielded romantic standstills. 

It turns out that online dating, for many, is not leading to either sex on the first date or a happy relationship. We think that too many people are too insecure about dating. And too many choices and too many rules are not helping.

Why Is This Not Working Out?

The quality of the information that one gets in online dating is sometimes suspect. People lie in their resumes and more than half of people misrepresent themselves to substantial degree. If you cannot trust the system, that is a valid reason to be insecure about dating via the online route. After all if your new friend is only online to scam you that is also a good reason to be concerned.

And many young people do not know what to look for in a relationship and get bad advice from their friends. Is dating advice from the crowd of any use? How about dating advice from Grandma? At least Grandma has consummated a relationship and lived a life, unlike many of your young friends whose advice comes from internet blog sites!

Trusting Yourself

In the end you are responsible for the results of your own decisions. So why not start making your own decisions and stop worrying about perfectionism. If you like someone go out with them and get to know them. They do not need to be perfect because you are not perfect either. And there is good evidence that spending time together lets us learn what is important about the other person and ignore the superficial. And once you find an interesting person spend time with them and stop looking online for someone else. Even if your new friend does not seem perfect he or she may be the best choice as we noted in our article about mixed-attractiveness relationships.

In the end trust yourself and if you don’t have romance yet use your time dating to socialize and learn about yourself and others. That is a good way to get rid of the insecurity that is getting in the way of finding and keeping that right person.

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