Most of us go out on a first date with romance in mind, so a hot first date is always welcome. But what if you want many encores and a happy life with this new person? In short what should you do to get a second date? Cosmopolitan has a few suggestions about securing a second date.

I have been on so many first dates where the other person basically spends three hours doing a monologue, prattling on about themselves, telling me all about their sister’s neighbor’s friend’s dog, but not actually asking me a solitary question about myself. It’s total madness. These people are adults, surely they know the first rule of polite conversation is to actually instigate some back and forth, rather than performing what is essentially a one-woman/man show. Are they totally oblivious to my very obvious eye rolls?

Well it turns out people do genuinely need to be spoon fed this kind of advice. A study from Harvard University has found the secret to securing a second date. And guess what? It’s: asking lots of questions. Well, duh.

If you show a genuine interest in someone they will like that. And they will commonly want to see you again. So what you should do to get a second date is be interest in your new friend, ask questions and don´t dominate the conversation.

Appearance, Attraction and Authenticity

We have written about how to make a good first impression. The point is, of course, that when your new friend is favorably impressed upon meeting you the odds are better that you will get along and will have at least a second date. The formula is that a good appearance leads to attraction. But be careful about working too hard on your appearance. This is because in the end the real you are going to be in a relationship and you do not want to spend the rest of your life pretending to be someone you are not. The Good Men Project makes this point in their article about how popular dating advice might be keeping you single.

Our search for healthy love is one of the most defining missions of our lives. Yet a lot of popular dating advice actually leads us away from the very love we desire. Most popular dating recommendations build on a fatally flawed concept: If you want to find your soulmate, make yourself more desirable. As useful as this might sound, it’s the kiss of death for true intimacy, because it leads us away from the most essential ingredient of all, authenticity.

Their point is that if you have to constantly role play in order to change the way you look and act in an attempt to get that second date or preserve a sagging relationship you will grow weary of the effort. And your friend will never get to know the real you, whom they might just like more that the version you have been acting out. When hoping for a second date, ask questions and start up a conversation. And by all means be on your best behavior. But don’t play act and then wonder why you have grown bitter about constantly pretending you are someone that you are not.