Each and every one of us has our insecurities in regard to dating. Maybe we are shy and maybe we think we are not attractive enough. The fact of the matter is that you can turn dating difficulties into dating success. The Washington Post ran a story about a female college student with a lifelong stutter who says that her stutter improves her dating life. She ended up using the reaction of men to her stutter as a measure of their character and it helped in picking the right man to date.

I began to understand that my speech impediment, which had tortured me since childhood, was actually a useful tool in deciphering the quality of a person. Did the guy at the library give a look of panicked discomfort after I openly stuttered? Did the man at the party ask for my name, only to mockingly joke, “W-w-w-w-what, did you forget it or something?” Though I left these interactions feeling flustered, my mind was full of clarity. I knew the kind of man I wanted to pursue. Judgmental, impatient types wouldn’t make the cut.

Those who do make the cut aren’t obvious saints – they’re mostly just patient, perceptive and curious. They aren’t afraid to ask straightforward questions: How long have you been stuttering? Are there treatments available? Is it difficult to deal with? They maintain eye contact even when I’m taking time to get the words out and my eyes unintentionally seek the ceiling or the floor, searching for a way around a word. They don’t interrupt, guess my meaning or complete my sentences. They engage in conversation as if there’s nothing unique about our exchange, as if stuttering isn’t a problem to be fixed but simply another form of speaking.

The young lady in question says that she is still dating and looking for the right guy but along the way she has turned a dating difficulty into a dating success. Part of this recipe is the confidence that wins in dating.

Confidence wins in dating and confidence wins in life. Finding confidence comes with practice and life experience. Think about what you want to do. Make a plan. Carry out the plan. If it does not work out, change the plan and try again. Seek good advice from successful people. This can relate to any aspect of your life including your dating life. If you find yourself in a perpetual panic regarding dating someone stop and take a big breath. Think about just what it is that you want in a relationship and what you want from that person. Putting things in perspective helps when we want to make a plan and carry it out. When we ask someone out for a date we are not asking for their hand in marriage or sex on the first date. Remember that what you are looking for is a date and plan accordingly.

Learn to like yourself and others will find it easier to like you. And if you have things that might lead to dating difficulties turn them into tools for success like the young woman with a stutter.