It happens to the happiest couples. After years of living together you do the same things over and over again, like ordering a takeout pizza every Friday night. The two of you are able to complete each other’s sentences and you can predict with absolute certainty what he will get you for your birthday. Unfortunately these are not the characteristics of a passionate relationship.

“Routine gives us stability in an increasingly busy life,” says Michele Marsh, a certified psychologist with the Council for Relationships in Philadelphia. “But if a couple continues the same patterns of behavior for too long, their relationship becomes monotonous and boring.”

How does this sort of routine happen? “A lack of effort in general and the pressures of everyday life,” explains Stephen J. Betchen, a therapist specializing in marriage and family therapy with a Ph.D. in social work, and the author of Magnetic Partners. “Many married couples no longer make the necessary effort to maintain a passionate relationship. All your energy is going into raising the kids, maintaining the household, and furthering your professional life.”

If you don’t remember the last time you walked together hand in hand, or either of you gave the other flowers without a reason, it’s time to put the paddles on your marriage and shock it of its comatose state. Here are five ways to keep your relationship alive and to be happy and affectionate together.

First Of All Let It Happen

“Some moms are so beaten down by their daily responsibilities. We tell them, ‘You should try surprise your husband’, and they think we are crazy”, says Marsh. Take care of yourself. Get an adequate amount of rest. Go to the gym for exercise. Go out with a friend or get a manicure or pedicure. If you take care of yourself you will find it easier to spend more time with and find more energy for your partner.

Relive Romantic Moments

Do you remember a time when the two of you improvised? Maybe it was a dinner at a romantic restaurant or a weekend without plans. Even though today’s responsibilities make make such moments hard to find it is worth the effort to relive romantic moments that help rekindle the flame in your relationship.

“Listen to the songs you used to listen to when you started dating and go back to the places where you used to have fun”, recommends Betchen. “Hold hands and put your head on his shoulder in the movies. Even better, kiss like two teenagers in the dark.” And parents, don’t forget about romantic weekends without the kids, especially if grandparents, aunts, uncles, or good friends are available to watch the kids.

Stay In Touch

Send text messages to your partner or emails that say “I love you” or “I heard your favorite song and thought of you.” These are reminders of how much you really love each other. “This is something that couples often forget but means a lot,” says Betchen.

Don’t forget that we all like physical contact. Touch when you talk. Remind you partner that you enjoy being with him and that you find him attractive. Dr. Betchen notes that “No matter how long we are together, we still need to feel desired”.

Surprise Him

Inject a little unpredictability into your life. Take him out for a change. Buy him something special. It does not have to be expensive as it is the surprise and demonstration of affection that counts. Couples doing and learning new things together have more loving and lasting relationships.

Say Yes To Change

There is nothing wrong with takeout pizza. But, the same pizza from the same restaurant every Friday? “At the beginning of a relationship it is good to establish enjoyable traditions. But when the traditions become boring or burdensome it is time to change. Maybe a little spicy Thai food would be a better choice on Friday evening. Or, try out a new recipe and cook at home. After all it is variety that is the best spice of life.