We generally assume that when people go out together they are thinking of 1) sex on the first date and 2) a happy relationship with that same person (including lots of sex). But first dates don’t always move on to second dates and onward to relationships. If this is happening to you it is not necessarily all your fault. From the blog Your Tango here are a bunch of reasons why relationships don’t work out starting with the fact that you might not be a relationship person.

Relationships aren’t for everyone.

I used to be a relationship person. At least, I thought I was. I’m not anymore. Perhaps it’s dating-related trauma or just a learned hatred of falling in love, but I just can’t do commitment anymore.

Looking back, a large portion of my exes probably weren’t relationship people. In fact, of the ones that I talk to, every single one is still single with a trail of failed relationships, broken engagements, and false starts. Yet, some of them still try to be in relationships, despite the fact that they really don’t seem to be into commitment, marriage, or anything that the lifestyle involves.

Here are their reasons and our comments.

Relationships aren’t a priority for you, even if you have the option.

It is entirely OK if you have lots of things in your life that you like to do and feed your soul. If you have a full life and would need to allocate a slot in your life for your new friend somewhere down around number 7 you probably should leave relationships alone.

You Have a Lifestyle That Does Not Allow for a Healthy Relationship

If you travel a lot, are working toward an advanced degree or partnership in a law firm you may have no room for a relationship. Putting off this part of your life is OK when the result of your relationship would be failure of both your life’s goals and your relationship.

The Commitment Word Scares You

You are basically not ready for a long term relationship. Be honest with anyone you date so that they don’t get hurt waiting for you to change. Perhaps eventually you will find the prospect of someone close in your life attractive enough that it will drown out the fear.

You are hostile or exceptionally suspicious of the gender that you want to date, or you just plain can’t respect them.

You need to skip the dating and relationship scene until you deal with your issues because your mind set is a recipe for an unhappy life for you and your partner.

If you were to be honest with yourself, you wouldn’t really want to put in much effort into a relationship – but would expect a lot.

If you have not been told that you are immature we will tell you. Grow up and realize that relationships are two way streets.

You would rather play video games or (fill in the blank) than go out on a date with an attractive person.

Maybe you need to grow up and maybe this is just how it is. You will probably end up being lonely but don’t mess up someone else’s life right now unless you want to pay attention and be part of the team.

The article has a few more examples but you get the point. Some folks are just not relationship people. Don’t find yourself in an unhappy or abusive relationship because you are trying to make something happen that has no chance. If you are happy alone good for you and when you decide that you want a happy relationship do what you need to do for things to work out.