Online Dating Theory versus Practice

In the military they say that no strategy totally survives the first encounter with the enemy. The same is true of dating and dating advice and when you go out on your first face to face date. Here are some thoughts about online dating theory versus practice. We start with an article from the Independent about dating theory for millennial relationships.

Upon dating someone new, some people fall head over heels, become totally besotted and start planning the rest of their lives together within a few weeks.

They invite their new love interest to be their plus one at a family wedding, decide to get tickets for a festival next summer and plan a Christmas mini-break to Munich.

But these people need to calm down.

They need to calm down before they violate the Date Time Continuum.

For those of you who are not familiar with said continuum, it is a very simple commandment: thou shalt not make plans with someone further in the future than the amount of time you’ve been dating.

The problem is one of online dating theory versus practice. If you ask your friends, family or people you barely know you can get dating advice. All dating advice is theory until you apply it to your life. Dating advice from the crowd, for example, may be useful or you may simply be someone’s new plaything as they offer lame, useless and maybe dangerous advice. Dating advice from grandma is probably more reasonable because you are getting the thoughts of someone who has more experience and has your best interests at heart. But remember when your grandma went out on her first date it was 1969 when men wore bell bottom trousers, had long sideburns and alternated antiwar demonstrations with smoking pot.

Tactics as Well as Strategy

In dating as in war it is a good idea to master tactics as well as strategy. Strategy is your long term plan to find someone you like, develop a relationship, get married and have kids. Tactics include how you prepare if you would like a hot first date or simply to make a good first impression. Tactics are how you think on your feet when an unexpected problem or opportunity arises. Strategy is remembering what you are looking for and not diverting from the path that will get you what you want.

What to Do with Dating Advice

So, is all dating advice suspect? Not really. We learn from our own experience and that of others. However, grandma’s advice about how to find the man (or woman) of your dreams may have worked better in the flower child era than it might work today. The trick is to learn to adapt good advice to your circumstances. Keep your long term goals in mind but also remember the Date Time Continuum and don’t get too far ahead of yourself when making plans. Theory or advice in online dating is necessary to get a grasp on what you want and how you will get there. Keeping your time frame short in the beginning can help a lot of pain when things don’t work out as expected.

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