There are people in this world who have vast experience with relationships gone wrong or relationships that never should have been. One of these persons is Judy Sheindlin, AKA Judge Judy. Judge Judy is a retired Manhattan family court judge who has presided over an arbitration-based reality court show for twenty years. Judy has seen it all regarding dating Judge Judy says don’t date schlubs.

Schlub: a talentless, unattractive or boorish person

Judge Judy said don’t go for schlubs on the Ellen DeGeneres show when she talked about what she learned from her years on the bench in Manhattan and on her reality show.

Judy Sheindlin paid a visit to Ellen DeGeneres Tuesday and talked about what she learned from over 20 years at the helm of her TV court show “Judge Judy.” Of all the things that bother her, like bickering over minutia, the misguided choices women make while searching for a mate are what irk her the most.

“Women make a terrible mistake because they usually are so desperate to nest, that they pick on schlubs and worthless pieces of trash that they pick up in a bar,” Sheindlin said, not mincing any words.

“And then turn around and give them the keys to their car, invite them to move in, give them a credit card, and they’re surprised one day when their car is gone, their credit card is maxed, and they’re alone,” she added. “They seem to replicate that behavior again and again. And that frustrates me. It especially frustrates me when women are taken advantage of.”

Judge Judy is adamant that women should retain their financial independence and have a career to fall back on in case a relationship fails or their spouse dies.

“Teach your daughters, teach your granddaughters, everybody has to have something that they’re good at where they can earn a living,” she advised the audience.

Liking Yourself First and Foremost

How is it that a young woman ends up with a talentless, unattractive or boorish person, namely a schlub? Years ago we wrote about how to avoid an abusive relationship. Many of the tips from that article apply to the avoidance of schlubs. The murder of a young woman by her boyfriend years ago was preceded by verbal and physical threats but there is always more.

Unfortunately those of us with poor self-esteem can find ourselves in relationships that are abusive but not leave because we don’t believe that we deserve better. It is simple but believing that you deserve a good life helps you avoid abusive relationships.

Doing things that you like to do with people who are supportive and kind gives you a safe place to go instead of back to someone who uses you as a psychological or physical punching bag.

Avoiding or getting out of abusive relationships is not always easy. If you are in such a relationship find help. Talk to friends, clergy, parents, teachers, or anyone who will listen.

If you do not like yourself first and foremost you are likely to go looking for love and acceptance at all costs. Then you run the chance of an abusive relationship or finding a schlub who sucks you dry emotionally, physically and financially. Hang out with people that you like, even if that means foregoing a serious relationship for the time being. More often than not when you are ready the right person will show up, find you attractive and be your partner in a happy relationship for life.