Sometimes you can tell that a relationship is not going to work out. Then the best thing is to cut it off before things go too far. But what if the other person is still interested in a relationship? You don’t think that the relationship is going to work but you also don’t want to unnecessarily hurt the other person. Is there a humane way to dump someone you have been dating? We got this idea from the Toronto Star when they wrote about how to dump someone the humane way.

Planning on dumping a partner, firing an employee or otherwise delivering bad news to someone this week? A new Brigham Young University study offers advice on how to minimize the psychological damage you inflict when you drop your bombshell.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to the science of bad news. One holds that you should soften the impact of the news by padding it with an “explanatory buffer,” laying out the case for what you’re about to say before you actually say it. Conversely, other research has found that you should just tear the Band-Aid off, delivering the bad news first and saving your commentary for afterward.

Researchers at Brigham Young University and the University of South Alabama looked at what works the best. Two thirds of those questioned wanted to hear the bad news right away, whether it as losing a job, having a bad disease or getting dumped in a relationship. And nobody wanted the person telling the bad news to be so passive about it that the person getting the bad news had to work to get the facts of the matter.

When It Is Obvious

Sometimes you have already decided after a first date that this is not the person for you. But the other person just does not get it. Then, especially, you need to be blunt. And that absolutely applies to when you suspect you would be heading into an abusive relationship. Because in an abusive relationship or with someone like a love bomber they want to control you and not let you make the decision. In this case the humane part applies to you as the other person is in denial or simply a sociopath.

Just Good Friends

Where you really should find a humane way to dump someone you have been dating is when from your side the two of you are just good friends even though the other person is expecting romance.

You are 14 and in love with the girl across the aisle in algebra class. You finally get up the nerve to ask her out to a movie. She gives you her best sisterly smile and says that although she really likes you the two of you can only be just good friends. Hopefully, you catch the part where she leaves school by the back door and jumps into the passenger seat of her 18 year old boy friend’s convertible on her way to a make out session. This part is painful but a necessary part of growing up.

Here you also need to get to the point and do so quickly and clearly. Your friend deserves a romantic life even if it is not with you, so give him or her the permission to pursue it without dreaming of you.