We all would like a little romance in our lives. In fact, a lot of romance would be even better. So, when we find someone we fall in love with, have a great time with, and enjoy having sex with, this is the person whom we should marry. Is that right? Is the person you are dating the one to spend your life with? Here are a few thoughts on the subject.

Finding Romance Online

Finding someone to share your life during the day and your bed at night is a common goal of dating, online or otherwise. Because online dating sites give us a wider range of choices, we have a better chance of meeting someone who is compatible, fun, and sexy. In short we can find romance online if we give it a try. It may start with a hot first date or it may take a little time to get acquainted. But in either case you now have a lover, a friend, and someone to spend your days and nights with. But, is the person you are dating the one to spend your life with?

Is This Person the One?

Compatibility for a Lifetime

Last year we looked at astrological signs for compatibility.

Over the years we have considered many ways to decide whom to date. We wrote about dating advice from Grandma for the voice of experience, dating advice from the crowd in which people employ a dating app and get advice from total strangers, and speed dating which lets you meet lots people in a hurry and usually those folks are chosen because they fit a set of criteria that will work for you. And then, of course, you can employ astrological signs to find the best person whom to date and transition into a relationship.

The bottom line for astrological signs is that Cancer and Pisces are the most compatible for long term relationships. And, each sign has a best choice for pairing.

You may or may not believe in astrological signs but to the extent that people born at certain times of the year tend to have unique personality traits, this should give us some food for thought.

Love at First Sight or Love That Grows on Us

There really can be love at first sight and there can be lots of mutual infatuation. The key to whether or not such relationships last has to do with mutual compatibility. One of the complaints about online dating apps is that they speed up the selection process to such an extent that we miss out on potentially wonderful long-term relationships. We wrote about this in regard to mixed attractiveness relationships. This is the story of Cyrano de Bergerac, the intelligent, athletic, poetic master of the sword who falls in love with beautiful Roxanne. Because he is not physically attractive, she sees their relationship as just good friends. Cyrano helps an attractive, but dumb, young man win Roxanne’s heart with his poetry only for the young man to die in battle and Roxanne to retire to a convent to live out her days. Only in later years does she come to realize that the man she loved was Cyrano for his words, his poetry, and his soul. Unfortunately, when she comes to realize this, Cyrano’s enemies ambush and kill him, leaving Roxanne utterly devastated.

Cyrano de Bergerac and Roxanne

According the folks cited in that article, longer acquaintance levels the attractiveness playing field. In other words, the longer you are with the person you are dating, the more likely it is that you like them for who they are a opposed to how handsome or pretty they are!

Beware of Warning Signs

We would all deny being desperate about finding a friend, lover, or mate. But, we can all find ourselves in such a situation. We want to go out on dates so we accept an invitation from someone who does not seem quite right for us. We want someone to love us and we fall into the trap of dating someone who is emotionally needy and abusive. We want so badly to build a life with someone, have children, and live happily ever after. So, we put up with all sorts of physical and psychological abuse in the mistaken belief that we can change our partner.

If the relationship you are in seems abusive, it probably is. The sooner you confront that fact and take care of yourself the better off you will be.

Accepting an abusive relationship has to do with your own self-esteem. Recognizing that fact is the first step toward avoid a lifetime of unhappiness, physical risk, and even early death at the hands of an abusive spouse. When we learn to like ourselves we avoid or walk away from abuse the moment it happens.

Don’t trade your self-esteem and safety for sexual attention from someone who is simply faking it to get what they want and who will seek to control your life to continue to get what they want!

When Do You Know?

When do you know that the person you are dating is the one to spend your life with? You wake up together in their bed or yours and there is no discussion about going home or when to have the next date. You are happy together and starting to frankly discuss plans for the future. You have each gone to visit the family of the other person and feel comfortable with how you were received and welcomed.

And, when you are not together you think of each other all of the time. You take the wishes of your friend into account in things that you do. And, you have a level of comfort and happiness with one another that you have rarely known with others. And, you have discussed and confronted any possible problems that might arise as you go forward and neither of you believes that you are giving away your own wishes and rights in return for keeping the other person.