If you find yourself falling for someone is it love or pheromones? If you stay with someone when all of your friends say to find someone else is it love or pheromones? For that matter, what are pheromones? Pheromones are chemicals. An animal or plant excretes a chemical and changes the behavior of other members of its species. This is something that scientists have known about for decades. However, recent research tells us that this phenomenon is not limited to lower species and laboratory animals. Humans secrete pheromones as well, sex pheromones. Pheromones do not have an aroma that we notice. They simply affect behavior. So, maybe the man or women that you have just met is excreting the right combination of pheromones and that is why you find him or her so attractive. This is similar to the fact that we find someone’s face attractive or that a given body type excites us. Essentially we are hard wired to respond to certain stimuli even when common sense tells us to run away.

When we are first “in love” it is usually sexual attraction. This is the world of pheromones. It is not logical but, to a degree, it works. We tend to be sexually attracted to people with useful characteristics. For example, women are commonly attracted to men who have characteristics of being good protectors and good providers. Men tend to be attracted to women with characteristics of fertility. It is with time that the strength of sexual attraction is tested by the realities of everyday life. A guy may be a real stud but does he bring home a pay check? A woman may be incredibly sexy but is she interested in just one man? There are the usual matters of who makes the meals and who does the dishes, how many children to have, where to live, and how to deal with the in-laws. Although pheromones may keep us sexually interested in our partner they are of little use in developing the sort of strong and lasting bond, or love, which keeps couples together for a lifetime. Is it love or pheromones? Ask your friends and listen to what they say.

Love of this later sort is something that grows with time. It is the accumulation of many kind deeds and soft touches. It is the result of caring about each other and putting the relationship ahead of other issues in life, both large and small. The kind of love that lasts comes from shared experiences as well, raising children, overcoming the difficulties of life, and learning to anticipate each other’s needs. The interesting thing about pheromones, however, is that pheromones work the best when he and she are genetically similar. To the extent that marrying someone from your own ethnic group is likely to lead to a happy life the attraction caused by pheromones might actually be successful. Is it love or pheromones? Time will tell.

In the end, however, the point of dating is to have some fun and to develop a strong and healthy relationship with someone. If you find that the sexiest person you have ever met is also fun to be with and a solid person you win. If you find yourself with someone who does not make you happy ask yourself is it love or pheromones and either fix the problem or find someone else.