When we starting dating it may be just to have a good time or it may be the start of a quest to find a person to spend our life with. It may be after a hot first date or after a relationship has developed that you think maybe this is the one. But, how do you actually know if the person you are dating is the one you want to spend your life with? The Huffington Post recently wrote about knowing who is really the one.

You’ve been seeing someone for a little while now. There’s attraction, you’re having fun together, you like him and he likes you. It’s leading in the direction of having the talk to know if you’re exclusive. But you find yourself asking a million questions and it all leads down to one thing: is he the right guy for me? Is he ‘The One?’

The writer gives examples from her own life. The sexual attraction in a relationship is what gets us going but will the relationship last once the novelty has worn off? Then there is the question of thinking about it too much instead of just letting things evolve. You can easily talk yourself into or out of believing that this person is the right one for you if you work on it too hard. Nevertheless if you find yourself making excuses for things in order to salvage the idea of this person being the right one you are probably on the wrong path. We often mention how to avoid abusive relationships and when bad things are happening between the two of you this person is most certainly not the one.

Give It Time

If you need to wonder if the person you are dating is the one you may be trying to decide too soon. Taking relationships step by step is useful in this regard. If things look promising talk to your new friend about seeing each other exclusively, spending more time together alone, moving in together and finally deciding to make the relationship permanent. If at each step of the way you feel good about things (no knot in your stomach and no regrets) you move to the next phase.

Second Guessing

The value of moving slowly is that if you are having second thoughts you can deal with them before going too far. But the fact of the matter is that life is full of “what ifs” and if you let your life be controlled by waiting for something better it might not come along or may be just a fantasy.

Racing against the Clock

Women who have chosen a career and now are looking to get married and have kids before their biologic clock runs out are faced with a dilemma. Do they accept less that they would like in a relationship to have a child? If what you want is a happy relationship you need to work toward that. If having a child is part of your goal you need to be clear up front with your new friend.