Despite our continuing fantasies about a hot first date and even sex on the first date these occurrences are not the norm. How common is sex on the first date? Glamour says not that common to have sex on the first date.

Have you ever felt like almost everyone is ditching inhibitions and diving into bed on the first date? According to a new survey by Dating Advice, the opposite is actually true: Just one in three American adults admit to having hit the sack on a first date, which means two thirds of us are waiting at least for Date No. 2 before we get naked and get down.

It turns out that men are more likely to have sex on the first date at 46% while women 33% of women say yes on the first date. Your odds of having sex on the first date are greater if you are divorced 45% followed by single at 36% followed by married at 31%.

The study did not look at how the relationship went afterwards depending on if the couple had sex on the first date or not.

An Outdated Rule

Cosmopolitan says that first date sex is OK and that the rule of thumb to wait for later is outdated.

“In this day and age, more people recognize sex as an important component of a successful relationship, not something to be ashamed of,” says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a social psychologist at Harvard who studies relationships and sexuality. “For those people, it’s important to establish sexual compatibility early on, and having sex on the first date may be the right move for them.”

Ultimately, getting nekkid with some dude you’ve known for only 2.5 hours may not be your thing, and that’s fine too. The point is that hard-and-fast dating rules (like “No sex till date three”) and old-fashioned expressions like the vile “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” are antiquated and harmful-they produce all this unnecessary anxiety and shame about something normal and natural: dating and sex.

It used to be common wisdom that a man thought less of women if she consented to sex on the first date. Women still believe that according to Cosmo at 83% while it turns out that 67% of men say that having had sex on the first date does not make them think less of the woman.

Cosmo’s argument is that if it feels right go ahead and do it. Our primary concern is that the woman does not feel that she is being forced into doing something that she does not want to do and having sex on the first date does not lead to an abusive relationship.

Knowing how to avoid an abusive relationship can mean the difference between happiness and unhappiness, safety and serious bodily injury. The stabbing death of a young woman in Los Angeles, California, school cafeteria has been in the news lately. There were many cues preceding the murder of this young woman. Knowing how to avoid an abusive relationship not only helps us avoid psychological trauma but physical assault and even death. Knowing how to avoid an abusive relationship usually starts with the person’s own self esteem. When we like ourselves and feel good about ourselves we tend to avoid situations and relationships that are psychologically and physically abusive.

To the extent that sex on the first date is not consensual be careful and avoid getting into an abusive relationship.