This is a rather frank question that any man may wish to ask himself when dating, “Do you want her body or her heart?” It sounds a little serious. To put it another way a man looking to go out with a woman may ask himself if what he is looking for is a good time or a lasting relationship. Mind you, the two should not be mutually exclusive. However, getting to one before the other might not lead where you would like to go.

Asking do you want her body or her heart implies that those interested in a lasting relationship are not interested in touch, not turned on by the sight of an attractive person, or not interested in having sex with the one that they love. This is certainly not true. The usual culmination of a healthy relationship is successive levels of intimacy that most commonly leads to sex and children. However, many men as well as women are not interested in a quick pursuit of a permanent relationship and would like to “play the field” before deciding who they want to spend the rest of their life with. Many simply enjoy sexual intimacy and don’t want the “baggage” that a lasting relationship can carry. Unfortunately this can result in a series of one night stands and a sense of emptiness that cannot be cured with another night in another bed with another stranger.

Another side of the do you want her body or her heart question is that there are individuals who simply want companionship and friendship. This is especially common after a breakup of a difficult relationship. Someone who has been badly hurt in a previous relationship may want a good friend and companion and will see moving on to a sexual relationship as a complication. The pitfall to this approach is that the man who is every girl’s “friend” may be perceived as gay or at least someone who will never want a sexual relationship. This person may have his heart broken, again, because the person with whom he develops a strong and heart felt relationship eventually looks elsewhere for sexual satisfaction and for someone with whom to raise a family.

In the end the question is not do you want her body or her heart but how to claim both, and forever. This requires a balanced approach. Move too fast sexually and you might scare away the girl of your dreams or let her go before you get to know her. Move to slowly towards intimacy and be perceived as cold and uncaring when it comes to touch and passion. That is why most successful relationships move through levels of intimacy of which not all layers have to do with removal of clothing and use of condoms. Simply talking and sharing, doing things together, opening up and coming to care for the other person go hand in hand with the first kiss, warm embraces, and fondling, as well as steamy and energetic sex in a variety of positions.

So, do you want her body or her heart? You really do not have to settle for one or the other and most people in a healthy and successful relationship will say that the middle road is the best to follow.