Years ago we wrote about getting the relationship that you want. But, do you know what you want in a relationship?

Getting the relationship that you want, starts when you begin online dating. Do you want a casual relationship, to be just good friends? Or do you want a hot first date to lead to an ongoing intimate relationship but without any serious obligations? Or, are you looking for a happy and satisfying relationship that lasts a lifetime? Getting the relationship that you want will probably not happen by chance. You need to think about what you want and then proceed in the manner most likely to give you what you want. And, remember that you may, in fact, progress through each of the three stages mentioned above. So, getting the relationship that you want may require a little more planning that just thinking about how to get sex on the first date.

So, knowing what you want in a relationship is important but how do you get to know what you want in a relationship. After all you start out without having had any romantic relationships and your only guides are your family, friends, and social contacts.

To Thine Own Self Be True for the Relationship to Work

The truth is that it does not start with someone else and the relationship. It starts with you. That is what the quote from Shakespeare is all about. So, if you simply want to socialize, do that and widen your circle of friends. There is a lot to be said from dating several people to get a better idea of what dating is all about. Years ago we wrote an article, Kiss Twenty Boys. The point was to gain a bit of perspective on relationships and dating before making the choice of a lifetime.

If you want the man of your dreams and a relationship that lasts, kiss twenty boys before you do anything more serious on a date or in a relationship. This is not about playing around or cheating on your current boyfriend. It is about giving yourself a chance to understand yourself, boys, and relationships instead of committing to a relationship that might just fail or leave you with a lifetime of regrets. Dating is supposed to be fun. Is the first boy who asks you out for the evening the absolutely best one for you? Is the first boy whom you kiss the one who will be fun to be with over the years and a good father to your children?

If you want to know what you want in a relationship it helps to start out by cultivating more than one relationship, thinking about what you like and don’t like and then dating people who fall more into the like than the dislike category. And when you value yourself first of all you will also not sell yourself short or fall into an abusive relationship.

The rest of our advice in the “twenty boys” article is good too. Watch twenty moms and dads to see how long term relationships work. Take twenty trips to see the world and gain perspective on life and relationships along the way. And, try twenty different things with your new friends to see how the two of you do in setting outside of just formal dating.