Dating and money can be a confusing combination. Bringing money into the picture too early in a relationship can get in the way of finding the person with whom you would really like to spend your life. For example, a woman may want to know whether or not the man she is interested in can support her in the lifestyle that she wants. Or, a man may want to demonstrate that he is well off and imply that he is powerful as well. The woman may well not go out on a second date unless she sees evidence of money. The man may scare off women who see him as rich but also self-absorbed and shallow. On the other hand this pair might just meet up and decide they are a match made in heaven. Our opinion is that usually an ostentatious display of wealth serves no useful purpose in building a relationship and that a woman demanding to see displays of wealth before continuing a relationship is rightfully seen as a gold-digger. The dating and money combination works on several levels and does not require a Ferrari, private jet, or dinner at the most exclusive restaurant in town.

Dating and money get in the way of focusing on a relationship. Going out to eat in a casual setting takes the pressure off of a first date or a developing romance. When we are not worrying about trying to impress our new friend it is easier to get to know him or her. A walk in the park, a shared snack on a park bench and a setting where the two of you can talk and listen are all good ways to further a relationship. Certainly dinner at a nice restaurant can impress your date but not until there is a special event or the relationship has moved on a bit. Otherwise she may think she is being bought by her new boyfriend and he may become resentful at having to “buy” the attention of his new girlfriend.

There are a lot of creative things to do on a date. Think of something fun and memorable and do it together. Bring food to share on a picnic. Find a place where you can interact. Think of something physical. Here we don’t mean making out but things like throwing a Frisbee, playing touch football, or going swimming at the beach. Often, in fact, physical activity leads to intimacy anyway so go for it. None of this needs to bring the dating and money issue into the picture and just be good plane fun. Fun, in fact, does not need to be expensive.

If you are going to show off do it when it counts and when it makes sense. Dinner at a nice restaurant can be after going to a concert that he or she has been waiting for. One month or one year dating anniversaries are good occasions. On the other hand what do you do and what do you know that will impress that special someone? Think of something special that does not necessarily mean spending money and it will probably be a better date.

There are two last things to say about dating and money. One is that if you don’t have money, don’t try to pretend that you do. Don’t go to a fancy restaurant and end up feeling resentful about the cost. And don’t talk about money. It is boring! Save talking about money for when you two are really serious about setting up a budget for living together, your wedding, or your honeymoon.