A lot has been written about men who do not want to commit to a relationship. This trait is commonly seen as a character flaw. But, not everyone wants or is ready for a long term, serious relationship. Here are some reasons why and some thoughts about knowing when you are ready for a relationship.

You Just Broke Up

You were in what you thought was a serious relationship and it did not work out. Either the other person was not serious or there were compatibility issues that arose when you lived together. You may have been married or maybe it was a long term relationship. Either way you will need time to sort things out. How soon to date after a divorce or the breakup of a long term relationship will vary from person to person. But, taking your time is important.

There are several factors that dictate when it is wise to date after a divorce and when it is smart to wait a while. The first issue is the dreaded rebound. Then there are the children and the state of your finances. Divorce is traumatic and the pain of divorce should be dealt with. However, the healthy thing to do eventually is to date again after a divorce, learn from your mistakes and move on to a happy life.

A good idea when starting to date again after a divorce is to simply go out and socialize. Don’t try to jump back into a relationship when you are confused about why the last one crashed and burned. When life has come back to a new normal and you find someone to be attractive and interesting, it will be time to ask them out on a date.

Unable to Commit versus Afraid of Commitment

There are good reasons not to commit to a long term relationship. You are in the military and are routinely assigned to dangerous duty. You do not want to get married and start a family until you are on less hazardous duty. Or, you are in a professional university program that will take years to complete, require all of your time and effort, and require that you travel a lot too. It may simply not be practical to plan a serious relationship until you are done.

But, what if you have no good “external” reason to avoid a serious relationship. What if you simply do not want the burden of taking care of or caring about someone else, and especially children? If this is the case you are really not ready for a serious long term relationship. The only thing in this case is to be honest with your friend. It is unfair to make her, or him, wait for years in the mistaken belief that you will eventually want to progress to the next step! If you are truly afraid of commitment you need to honest with yourself, any anyone whom you go out with, and accept the consequences.