10 Reasons You’re No Romeo

Romeo and Juliet. Those universal literary symbols of true romance for generations of young lovers since the mid-16th century. So how do you compare to young Montague, you ask? Well, you might want to sit down for this, because the news is not good. We’re going to have to share with you ten reasons why you’re no Romeo:

  1. Romeo was so devoted to Juliet that he took his own life rather than live without her, when he thought she had died. Then there’s you, who went to Vegas for the weekend with your buddies, when your girlfriend was at home sick with the flu.
  2. Through Juliet, Romeo matures and learns the lesson of true love, thereby forsaking his juvenile obsession with Rosaline. You, in contrast, have been trying to coax your girlfriend into a three-way with her friend Roxanne.
  3. Romeo was filled with passion – for romance, poetry, and beauty. You share that passion, during football season.
  4. Romeo was willing to risk his life by infiltrating enemy territory, just to get a glimpse of the love of his life. You didn’t want to risk getting sick when she had the flu, so you risked your rent money in Vegas instead.
  5. Romeo was socially adept, quick-witted and had a wry sense of humor. You, on the other hand, believe fart jokes are the essence of true comedy.
  6. Love transcends all other forces of society and life for Romeo – hate, violence, religion, tradition, family. You can barely transcend any of these things when playing Mafia Wars.
  7. Juliet so worshiped Romeo that she regarded him as “the god of her idolatry”. Your girlfriend once referred to you as “the king of bathroom humor”.
  8. Romeo’s best friend, Mercutio, attempts to discourage him from pursuing his love for Juliet. Mercutio thinks it is mere lust, and not true love, that drives Romeo. Your friends pretty much have that nailed down about you.
  9. Romeo meets Juliet at a masquerade party, where a love ignites that ultimately brings together two feuding families. You actually create a family feud when you arrive at her parents’ house masquerading as a sober dinner guest.
  10. Romeo eventually outgrows his shallow and foolish infatuation with the inaccessible Rosaline. And then there’s you, acting president and founding member of the flavor-of-the-month, FHM cover girl fan club.

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