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Will You Ever Find a Man if You Hate Men?

This article assumes that you are female and heterosexual. What we write applies to both sexes and any sexual preference, but you need to make the appropriate adjustments. The details of sexual abuse revealed by the Me Too movement generally come as no surprise to most women although many men still do not get it. Our interest is this article is not to question or confirm the fact that many women are physically or psychologically abused. Rather we are concerned with how a woman carries the scars of previous bad relationships and other experiences. How do you move on and can you ever find a man if you hate men based on past experience?

The problem with abusive relationships is that your experiences keep abusing you even after the fact. Our article about abuse had to do with how to avoid such relationships by learning to like yourself and by not tolerating abusive behavior at all. But many women who are abused end up with a post-traumatic stress disorder. Recovery Ranch discusses PTSD and how to battle the triggers that bring you back into the abusive situation.

Survivors of sexual assault and other forms of serious trauma are often able to recover from PTSD with the help of a form of psychotherapy called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. The National Institute of Mental Health notes two forms of CBT that may prove useful for battling PTSD triggers. One approach, called exposure therapy, teaches you to defuse your trauma reactions by safely, gradually exposing yourself to situations, places, images, etc., known to trigger your symptoms. The second approach, called cognitive restructuring, helps you understand triggering memories and view them in a new, health-supporting context. Other forms of psychotherapy may also help you overcome the effects of PTSD in the aftermath of a sexual assault.

A step toward recovery from PTSD often includes first allowing yourself to become angry. The next step is to keep that anger from dominating your life. If your goal as a heterosexual woman is to find a man with whom to have a relationship then will you ever find that man if you hate men in general? Marriage Reconstruction Ministries has a good article about identifying and dealing with anger in order to heal and not let the anger ruin your life or relationship. First they define the types of destructive anger.

Suppressive Anger: Denying and/or stuffing anger
Open Aggression: Blaming others and/or flaming at others
Passive Aggression: A smile on the face with a dagger in hand

Their suggestions for dealing with residual anger from abusive relationships start with recognizing who or what you are angry at or about and then targeting your response in the right direction. If you are justifiably angry at a past boyfriend or spouse that is OK but generalizing that anger at all men is not only unfair to them but self-destructive to you. It is part of how the abuser keeps abusing you if you let them by reliving the abuse.

The next parts of their approach are to admit the anger that you have and then to come to terms with it. In the end the goal is not to hide the anger and let it eat you from inside but to let it go and move on to a happy, healthy and healthy life and relationship. Read the article.




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