Sometimes in dating we think too much. The fact of the matter is that too much analysis does not lead to dating success. The Washington Post published an article, the only dating advice I need, in which the author argues that point.
I have been on more than 100 first dates. These have run the gamut from the awful five-minute Tinder date that ended when we ran into his ex-girlfriend (a woman I happened to know) to the fantastic six-hour tour of Oahu that ended with a home-cooked dinner at his beachfront house. But as epic as some of these dates were, I hardly ever got an offer of a second date. I was a one-date wonder.
When this happens to you it is time to step back and consider your approach. And that is what the author did. In her case it came down to liking herself and not trying too hard to be liked and appreciated. We have written about how confidence wins in dating.
Confidence wins in dating because men and women alike are drawn to self-assured people. No one is looking for a lot of drama in a partner. Rather someone who knows what he or she wants and goes about getting it quietly, in a businesslike manner, and successfully is attractive to both sexes.
Like yourself and go from there. The author of the Post article found that when she quit worrying about how to impress the new man in her life she could ask the question, do I really like this guy? That led to conversation as she tried to find out more about the person she had just met. And, of course, good communication leads to lasting relationships.
The person you met on the internet may be attractive and even wealthy. But, does he or she talk to you? Is he or she funny? When he or she does talk is it in communication or complaints, orders, and/or boring details of the past that you hear? Communication is a two way street. Give and take are the basics of good communication. When looking for someone to spend your life with look for a person who talks to you and listens to you, not someone who lectures or talks as though you were not there.
Too much analysis does not lead to dating success. But self-confidence, interest in the other person and a forthright manner tend to lead to dating and relationship success.
Why Are You Dating?
Are you dating in order to find a mate and have children? Or are you dating in order to socialize and have a good time? Too much analysis too soon is a sure recipe for failure in dating. A lot of what we know about a person only comes with time and we cannot hurry it along. And there are relationships that were never meant to be. So, be confident. Take your time. Decide if you really like the person you have just met. And let them do some of the work, if they are interested, in developing a relationship.