It is probably true that you will never be happy in any relationship until you are happy with yourself. Liking yourself should not be such a hard task but it often is. Too many of us grow up listening to the criticism of others, especially in our families. We internalize this criticism. We create a voice or persona in a little corner of our brain and this person is never satisfied with whatever we do. Thus we find ourselves seeking love, affection, and companionship by trying to please others, as well as that voice inside our head. When we live with this scenario, it is hard to say no because we will fear rejection. Despite what the critical voice from your childhood says, it is OK to say no to the person that you love. Here you are with that special someone. Maybe you had a hot first date. Maybe the two of you are getting to know and like each other. Then he or she makes a simple request and you are afraid that if you do not agree that he or she will leave. Your critical voice starts up and you are confused. Well, we are here to tell you that it is OK to say no to the person that you love, because you need to be happy with yourself before you will be happy with the relationship.
Changing Him (Or Her)
It is OK to say no to the person that you love. Too many of us believe that the first job of dating is to convince the other person that we are worthy of their attention, affection, and love. This is a dangerous approach because we never show the other person who we really are. We spend our lives thinking of things to say and things to do that we believe will please the other person. This approach kills spontaneity. It can also kill the relationship. On the other hand, if the other person always gets what he or she wants they may decide that this is a relationship made in heaven. Let us say that you think that first you need to convince the other person to have a long term relationship. Then, you think, that you will be able to change him or her later on. Bad idea! You are training the other person to believe that whatever they want they will get. You will end up being more and more unhappy and resentful and the critical voice in your head will be louder and louder. Happiness starts with liking yourself and ignoring excessive self-criticism. And, it is OK to say no to the person that you love.
The Real You
In relationships you want the other person to like and to love the real you. This does not happen if you never say no. It is OK to say no to the person that you love. If he or she is so fragile that a simple no is going to damage the relationship, you really need to look somewhere else for a friend, sexual partner, and lifelong companion. If you are afraid of a starting a fight, remember that fighting and making up in relationships is normal. Be yourself and you will find someone who really likes that person.