A sad fact of life is that relationships often fail and unhappy marriages lead to divorce. Sometimes divorce is the best choice when a marriage does not work out. But we all need companionship and especially so after a divorce. The question is how soon to date after a divorce? There are several factors that dictate when it is wise to date after a divorce and when it is smart to wait a while. The first issue is the dreaded rebound. Then there are the children and the state of your finances. Divorce is traumatic and the pain of divorce should be dealt with. However, the healthy thing to do eventually is to date again after a divorce, learn from your mistakes and move on to a happy life. Here are a few thoughts about how soon to date after a divorce.
The Dreaded Rebound
According to an article in the Huffington Post post-divorce rebound is guaranteed to destroy your heart.
There has been plenty written on the perils of the rebound. The old maxim suggests that the recently heart-broken is too angry and vulnerable/hurt to be truly open to a new love. The rebounder is at risk of attaching too quickly to the wrong person, and those dating a rebounder are subject to wandering into the line of fire of scatter-shot devotion.
When a rebound relationship ends it hurts and typically we have not learned anything from the experience. You need to let the fact of your divorce and all of its ramifications sink in before testing the waters again. If you need someone to talk to, pick an old friend or family member. Go out in groups to avoid single entanglements. Let time do its healing and avoid the dreaded rebound.
Children and Divorce
If you have children you are not the only one who has experienced a divorce. Take time to deal with your own issues and those of your children before dating after a divorce. HelpGuide.org writes about children and divorce.
There are many ways you can help your kids adjust to separation or divorce. Your patience, reassurance, and listening ear can minimize tension as children learn to cope with new circumstances. By providing routines kids can rely on, you remind children they can count on you for stability, structure, and care. And if you can maintain a working relationship with your ex, you can help kids avoid the stress that comes with watching parents in conflict.
Get the ball rolling on dealing with your children and the divorce and do not complicate issues with a new person right off the bat.
You used to spend one or two incomes on a single home and the usual expenses. Now that money needs to go towards two homes, etc. As a practical matter get your finances in order before looking for a new companion. Even if you think that finding a new person will help finances remember that you need to deal with the issues that led to your divorce before starting out again or you may just end up in the same situation times 2 after your second divorce. No matter how wealthy you are money will run short if you do not manage your affairs wisely.
On to a Healthy and Happy Life
We all deserve a happy life. Learn from your mistakes before moving on the date again. Relate.org.uk writes about how to move on after divorce.
There are many things you’ll need to focus on during this difficult time and at times it may feel overwhelming. But as well as that, you need to focus on yourself as an individual, deciding what you need to do to help you let go of the past and look forward to the future.
Work at understanding what went wrong and take care of yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve and get rid of your anger. Take care of your physical health. And when things are coming back into place it may be time to date again after a divorce.