You had a hot first date and are looking forward to a happy relationship with your new friend. But the work has just begun. The problem is not to ruin a relationship that has good prospects. Psychology Today offers reasons relationships fail. And here we are talking about relationships where the two of you have lots in common and certainly would appear to love each other.
Selfishness, Narcissism, and Unbalanced Ties
Selfishness is focusing on your own needs and not thinking about the other person when you make important decisions or in day-to-day interactions. If you don’t do your fair share of housework or childcare, your partner will begin to build resentment and feel uncared for.
Narcissism is a personality disorder that can encompass many features, including superficial charm, a lack of empathy for others, and manipulating others for one’s own ends.
When relationships are unbalanced, so that one partner’s extended family is always the priority, or one partner always decides how you spend the money, this fractures the ties that hold you together.
Each of these can ruin a relationship. Relationships are partnerships with shared communication, shared work load and shared trust. How not ruin a relationship is to deal openly and honestly with your partner and seek help if there is a personality disorder that makes the relationship difficult.
Not Making the Relationship a Priority
Not making your relationship a priority wears it down over time. Our education system doesn’t teach us that loving relationships take work and daily commitment. It’s easy for the relationship to take a back seat when kids come along. If you don’t make time for sexual intimacy, desire goes down. If you stop talking to your partner about your hopes and dreams, you start becoming more distant. If you don’t make time to do fun activities together and with the family, you can begin to lead separate lives.
The first thing about making your relationship a priority is to know that doing so is important and then to pay attention as you go. Communication leads to lasting relationships so talk about your relationship and how the two of you are doing.
Angry Outbursts and Rage
Arguments that get resolved, and controlled expressions of anger, are normal parts of a healthy relationship. But enraged screaming at a partner can do damage both to them and the relationship. Couples in unhappy relationships can get into negative cycles, where any fight rapidly escalates into accusations and negative comments about the other person’s intent or character. There is truth in the saying that it’s easiest to hurt the people we most care about.
Fighting fair, or arguing without trying to hurt each other can be healthy in a relationship because it gets issues out on the table and clears the air of pent up anger and resentments. How not to ruin a relationship is to avoid holding resentments and anger inside until the boil over into hurtful words and actions.
Trust is the soil in which healthy relationships are grounded and the foundation for their growth. Breaking trust is like putting a big crack in that soil. The relationship may still survive but it will forever have a broken part.
A study by the University of Denver revealed that out of 1000 people in committed relationships 14% had sex outside of the relationship and 43% of those relationships ended because of the infidelity. How not to ruin a relationship is not to play around with someone who is not your partner.