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Does Fear of Failure Keep You in a Bad Relationship?

The most important people in a relationship are you and your friend. Your family, friends and social group are not the ones who need to be happy. But, unfortunately, social pressure, peer pressure and nagging family can set us up for failure in our relationships. Letting everyone else give advice on your relationship is like our article about getting dating advice from the crowd.

Two sisters provided advice for the lovelorn via the newspaper starting in the mid-20th century. Pauline Phillips was Dear Abby and her older sister was Ann Landers. If you had problems in dating, problems in your relationship or problems with family you could write to Dear Abby or Ann Landers and perhaps have her advice to you published nationwide. Today Ms. Phillips’ daughter, Jeanne, handles the task of being Dear Abby. Today in the era of online dating and dating apps the process has changed. Now you can get dating advice from the crowd. Yep, you can crowd source your dating dilemmas.

None of these people has a stake in your relationship. And even in the case of family and friends, you are the one who is happy or unhappy with your new friend. Do not let your fear of what people think drive you into or keep you in a bad relationship. The Huffington Post writes about fear of failure and embarrassment keeping people in relationships well past their expiration dates.

I stayed in my marriage far longer than arguably reasonable; I had all the information I needed years before. Heartbreak and the prospect of starting over coupled with fear of what divorce would mean for my kids together formed an invisible shield that kept me in place. I do understand how and why people stay in unhappy relationships.

What’s troubling is that many single moms, post-divorce and dating, are even more reluctant to end subsequent bad relationships. After braving the worst (divorce) when they find themselves in familiar unhappy territory, fear of failure and embarrassment are keeping their feet planted in another unhappy coupling!

If your friends and family stayed with you during your last bad relationship, you may be ashamed to see that your current relationship is now on the rocks as well. But, the point is not to please family and friends but to find for yourself a stable, supportive and happy relationship. If you, however, have a history of getting into abusive relationships you need to listen to your friends and family and then go and talk to a professional and get help and support.

Certainly there are a lot of warning signs that one can look out for in avoiding abusive relationships. But there are men and women who see the warning signs such as excessive control, punishing, etc. and remain in relationships. Unfortunately those of us with poor self-esteem can find ourselves in relationships that are abusive but not leave because we don’t believe that we deserve better. It is simple but believing that you deserve a good life helps you avoid abusive relationships. Doing things that you like to do with people who are supportive and kind gives you a safe place to go instead of back to someone who uses you as a psychological or physical punching bag. Avoiding or getting out of abusive relationships is not always easy. If you are in such a relationship find help. Talk to friends, clergy, parents, teachers, or anyone who will listen. And, remember that you are a worthwhile person who deserves a good life.

In the end, fear of failure should not keep you in a bad relationship. And learning to love yourself is the key to success in the dating world and the game of life.




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