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Can You Love Someone but Not Like Them?

This question arrived in a comment from one of our readers. Can you love someone but not like them? Our take on this is that this is an all too common occurrence. Can you love someone but not like them? Yes! And that can be a problem if what you want in the end is a happy relationship and not just a series of hot dates. How does one arrive at a point where they ask the question, Can you love someone but not like them.

What Does It Mean to Like Someone?

The dictionary says this about the word like:

  • To enjoy (something
  • To get pleasure from (something)
  • To regard (something) in a favorable way
  • To feel affection for (someone)
  • To enjoy being with (someone)

To like is pleasurable and brings enjoyment. If you do not like the person you are with it means that they do things that reduce your pleasure and enjoyment of an otherwise satisfying relationship. Please notice that liking has nothing to do with longing for, needing, or dying without the experience of. Liking is having fun and liking makes life enjoyable.

What Does It Mean to Love Someone?

The dictionary says this about the word love:

  • A feeling of strong or constant affection for a person
  • Attraction that includes sexual desire
  • The strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship
  • A person you love in a romantic way

In short, love commonly includes sexual desire and, hopefully, sexual satisfaction. What is does not say is that love comes from needing someone to fill the hole left by our lack of self-esteem. The problem when we ask the question, Can you love someone but not like them, is that all too often we confuse our emotional need with a loving relationship. We believe that we need sex and a person in our life. We give away too much of our own happiness in return for a person who may not be fulfilling our real needs. If this fits in your case, if you have to ask the question, can you love someone but not like them, you need to think seriously about your relationship and then sit down and have a talk with the person whom do not like but think that you love. Good communication leads to lasting relationships and if you can sort out what it is that bugs you in your relationship things may just work out. On the other hand if your relationship borders on abusive, if there is no joy in your life or relationship outside of the bedroom, or if you live in constant fear of losing a person whom you do not really like, it is time to pack up and leave. Sometimes dating bad boys or girls is a turn on and sometimes it leads to the question, can you love someone but not like them. Understand the difference between liking and loving. Understand the difference between liking a person in your life and using them to fill a deep seated emotional need and life will be happier and you will find love more easily.




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