If you want success in dating and relationships beware of the hidden third person. A successful first date is about two people meeting, getting to know each and, at times, moving on to a hot first date. A happy relationship is between two people. A hidden third person can be the reason that things are not working out in your dating, your relationship or life. Who is the hidden third person?
The “Ex” Who Is Still There
We have often suggested that bringing up your “ex” is not a good idea when meeting someone new. After all the point is to have a good time and encourage the other person to want to go out with you again. Using this new person as a sounding board for your grievances about your “ex” and your previous relationship is a sure way to lose the interest of your new friend. That having been said, you do not have to talk about your “ex” for him or her to be present in the relationship. We develop habit patterns in relationships and they are not always healthy ones. If you lived with a nagging spouse you may have been “trained” without thinking of it to recount your day in detail each and every time you come home. This may have satisfied your nagging spouse but it will be a bore to your new friend. Beware of the hidden third and person and inadvertently dragging them along into your new relationship.
Non Exclusive Dating
You can expect that if you and your new friend are just starting out dating online that you both probably will have several dates with several people. This is normal so there may be other persons. The hidden person is the girlfriend of boyfriend that he or she keeps hidden. This may be out of a sense of insecurity, an inability to terminate one relationship before moving to the next or even a spouse that you are not aware of. Beware of the hidden third person in this case because your new friend will never move on to a more meaningful relationship is they are hedging their bets. If you had a hot first date but things never move on, beware of the hidden third person
A Voice from Childhood
Our personalities are formed early in childhood. And we often retain strong opinions, fears and misconceptions voice by our parents or others. Even though an important person from you childhood may be long gone specific memories may function as a hidden third person and damage your ability to develop and maintain a relationship. Fear and anger are commonly related to these hidden voices. A parent who firmly believed that life was unfair and people were likely to cheat may have left you with the same opinions. If you start out with a new person by distrusting them it can be really difficult to progress to a trusting relationship. If you had a single parent who was abandoned you may have been left with the sense that you can never trust a relationship which also makes it hard to form and maintain your own relationships in the present day. Fear of rejection, anger at past events and our retained memories of how these things affected those near to us can act as a corrosive third person and damage relationships. If you are dealing with issues like these it is wise to seek professional counseling rid yourself of destructive thinking.