About Lucelly Marin

Lucelly Marin has been a member since March 30th 2011, and has created 562 posts from scratch.

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Will You Ever Find a Man if You Hate Men?

This article assumes that you are female and heterosexual. What we write applies to both sexes and any sexual preference, but you need to make the appropriate adjustments. The details of sexual abuse revealed by the Me Too movement generally come as no surprise to most women although many men still do not get it. Our interest is this article is not to question or confirm the fact that many women are physically or psychologically abused. Rather we are concerned with how a woman carries the scars of previous bad relationships and other experiences. How do you move on and can you ever find a man if you hate men based on past experience?

The problem with abusive relationships is that your experiences keep abusing you even after the fact. Our article about abuse had to do with how to avoid such relationships by learning to like yourself and by not tolerating abusive behavior at all. But many women who are abused end up with a post-traumatic stress disorder. Recovery Ranch discusses PTSD and how to battle the triggers that bring you back into the abusive situation.

Survivors of sexual assault and other forms of serious trauma are often able to recover from PTSD with the help of a form of psychotherapy called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. The National Institute of Mental Health notes two forms of CBT that may prove useful for battling PTSD triggers. One approach, called exposure therapy, teaches you to defuse your trauma reactions by safely, gradually exposing yourself to situations, places, images, etc., known to trigger your symptoms. The second approach, called cognitive restructuring, helps you understand triggering memories and view them in a new, health-supporting context. Other forms of psychotherapy may also help you overcome the effects of PTSD in the aftermath of a sexual assault.

A step toward recovery from PTSD often includes first allowing yourself to become angry. The next step is to keep that anger from dominating your life. If your goal as a heterosexual woman is to find a man with whom to have a relationship then will you ever find that man if you hate men in general? Marriage Reconstruction Ministries has a good article about identifying and dealing with anger in order to heal and not let the anger ruin your life or relationship. First they define the types of destructive anger.

Suppressive Anger: Denying and/or stuffing anger
Open Aggression: Blaming others and/or flaming at others
Passive Aggression: A smile on the face with a dagger in hand

Their suggestions for dealing with residual anger from abusive relationships start with recognizing who or what you are angry at or about and then targeting your response in the right direction. If you are justifiably angry at a past boyfriend or spouse that is OK but generalizing that anger at all men is not only unfair to them but self-destructive to you. It is part of how the abuser keeps abusing you if you let them by reliving the abuse.

The next parts of their approach are to admit the anger that you have and then to come to terms with it. In the end the goal is not to hide the anger and let it eat you from inside but to let it go and move on to a happy, healthy and healthy life and relationship. Read the article.

Ten cuidado con la deuda en las relaciones

La Biblia nos dice que el dinero o al menos el amor al dinero es la raíz de todo mal. Esa afirmación puede ser un poco excesiva, pero el dinero y la deuda ciertamente pueden ser problemas en las relaciones. Hace años escribimos sobre el trato con las casa fortunas.

Chicos, ¿han salido con alguien que solo parece interesado en su dinero? ¿Como resulto? ¿Te tomó por cada centavo que tuviste? ¿O malinterpretaste sus intenciones y desististe de la mejor mujer que alguna vez conociste? Tratar con casa fortunas requiere conocimiento y tal vez una pequeña idea de tu propio pensamiento. Y, lidiar con buscadores de oro se aplica tanto a las mujeres como a los hombres.

Ten cuidado con el dinero y la deuda en las relaciones. ¿Parece que su relación tiene que ver con dinero, pagar cosas, pagar las deudas de sus amigos y endeudarse? Si es así, puede ser hora de pensar en lo más importante de una relación y créanme, no debería ser dinero.

Cuando las parejas llegan a creer que van a estar juntas por el resto de sus vidas, comienzan a hacer planes. Hablan sobre tener bebés y dónde quieren vivir. Hablan de trabajos, compartiendo el trabajo en el hogar y las finanzas.

Tenga en cuenta que lidiar con las finanzas viene al final de esa última oración. Cuando el dinero sale primero, debes preguntarte si esto es una variación de una relación abusiva en la que alguien simplemente quiere que los rescates a cambio de un pequeño coqueteo y que te vean juntos.

Aunque es inteligente tener cuidado con las deudas en las relaciones, hay ocasiones en que tener deudas está bien. Por ejemplo, hay muchos graduados universitarios con buenos trabajos y perspectivas de un buen futuro financiero que están pagando las deudas universitarias. Y hay personas que han tenido que pagar facturas médicas inesperadas o por otras emergencias imprevistas. Lo que hay que tener en cuenta es conectar con alguien que habitualmente incurre en deudas de tarjetas de crédito y luego busca un nuevo amigo para rescatarlos. Si esto le sucede, envíe a su nuevo amigo a un asesor de deudas y dígales que regresen cuando tengan un plan para recuperar y mantener la solvencia.

Tratando con las finanzas y la deuda

Digamos que tu nueva novia no es una casa fortuna pero quieres impresionarla. Entonces, compras un auto nuevo o incluso compras el auto para ella. Y cuando comienzas a hacer planes para casarte, compra una casa realmente bonita. Y luego resulta que ustedes dos no están hechos el uno para el otro y usted está atrapado con el automóvil, o solo los pagos por el automóvil y un hogar para una pareja y cuatro niños. Y aquí estás viviendo allí solo. Hay muchas maneras de hacer una buena primera impresión y ninguna de ellas realmente cuesta tanto. Tenga cuidado con las deudas en las relaciones y obtenga los principios básicos de la relación discutidos y en funcionamiento antes de prepararse para hacer los pagos de años y años.

Be Careful with Debt in Relationships

The Bible tells us that money or at least the love of money is the root of all evil. That statement may be a bit excessive but money and debt can certainly be problems in relationships. Years ago we wrote about dealing with gold diggers.

Guys, have you dated someone who only seems interested in your money? How did it work out? Did she take you for every cent that you had? Or did you misread her intentions and give up on the best woman that you ever met? Dealing with gold diggers takes awareness and maybe a little insight into your own thinking. And, dealing with gold diggers applies to women as well as men.

Be careful with money and debt in relationships. Does it appear that your relationship is all about money, paying for things, paying off your friend’s debts, and running yourself into debt? If so it may be time to think about the most important thing in a relationship and believe me, it should not be money.

When couples come to believe that they are going to be together for the rest of their lives they start making plans. They talk about having babies and where they want to live. They talk about jobs, sharing the work at home and finances.

Please note that dealing with finances comes at the end of that last sentence. When money comes up first you need to ask yourself if this is a variation of an abusive relationship where someone simply wants you to bail them out in return for a little flirting and being seen together.

Although it is smart to be careful with debt in relationships there are times when having debts is OK. For example, there are a lot of college graduates with good jobs and prospects for a good financial future who are paying off college debts. And there are folks who have had to pay unexpected medical bills or for other unforeseen emergencies. The thing to watch out for is hooking up with someone who habitually runs up credit card debt and then looks for a new friend to bail them out. If this is happening to, you send your new friend to a debt counselor and tell them to come back when they have a plan to regain and maintain solvency!

Dealing with Finances and Debt

Let us say that your new girlfriend is not a gold digger but you want to impress her. So, you buy a new car or even buy the car for her. And when you start making plans to marry you go out and buy a really nice house. And then it turns out that the two of you are not made for each other and you are stuck with the car, or just the payments for the car and a home for a couple and four kids. And here you are living there alone. There are lots of ways to make a great first impression and none of them really cost that much. Be careful with debt in relationships and get the basics of the relationship discussed and working before you set yourself up to make payments years and years.

Citas en línea cuando eres padre soltero

Eres una madre o padre soltero. Tal vez tuviste una relación difícil y te alegra estar fuera de ella y quizás perdiste el amor de tu vida debido a un accidente o enfermedad. De cualquier manera, estás listo para tener otro adulto en tu vida y un pequeño romance también sería agradable. Uno de los problemas para las familias monoparentales cuando vuelven al mundo de las citas es la falta de tiempo. Estás reteniendo un trabajo, criando a los niños y haciendo todas las tareas domésticas también. Pero, aquí es donde las citas en línea llegan al rescate. Anteriormente hemos notado que las citas en línea son como las citas rápidas. Te da la oportunidad de ver a muchas personas, todas las cuales cumplen tus criterios. Para las citas en línea para padres solteros con problemas de tiempo es una manera eficiente de comenzar. Habiendo dicho eso, ¿cuáles son algunas de las cosas a tener en cuenta en las citas en línea cuando eres madre soltera?

Demasiado desesperado

Uno de los problemas con una relación fallida, especialmente una relación abusiva, es que te deja con un sentido reducido de autoestima. Usted está desesperado y se conformará con cualquier relación porque el solo hecho de estar con alguien valida su pobre sentido de autoestima. Llegar a gustarte es la cura para caer en esta trampa. Y una de las mejores maneras de llegar a gustarte es salir con la persona adecuada. Encuentra la persona adecuada para pasar tu vida. Eso puede tomar un poco más de tiempo, pero comenzando con el perfil correcto de citas en línea y un poco de confianza en sí mismo, usted estará en camino.

Si sigue nuestro consejo habitual y acaba de salir con alguien para disfrutar, aprenderá más sobre usted, más sobre personas y más sobre la persona o personas con las que sale. Rara vez es necesario casarse después de la primera o las primeras citas, así que tómese su tiempo. Lo que usted pensó que era realmente importante puede convertirse en un problema menor con el tiempo. Las cosas que nunca se le ocurrieron pueden volverse importantes. Confíe en sus instintos para encontrar a la persona adecuada para pasar su vida. Si te gusta salir y disfrutar de una relación feliz que es una buena señal de que tendrás una buena vida en los últimos años.

La cura de este problema es gustarle, tomarse su tiempo y, finalmente, encontrar a alguien que sea una alegría y una ayuda en su vida. Y, en la era de las aplicaciones de citas, ten cuidado con ser estafado.

Y hay aspectos de las aplicaciones de citas que deben evitarse por completo. Por ejemplo, ¡no le des tu ubicación física actual exacta a un perfecto desconocido! Las aplicaciones de citas como Tinder y Grindr usan tecnología GPS para que otra persona con el servicio sepa si usted está en su área, siempre que esté utilizando el mismo servicio. Si no quieres ser un cebo para un acosador, evita estos productos.

¡El objetivo de utilizar una aplicación de citas debería ser hacer que la búsqueda de un nuevo amigo sea más eficiente y exitosa, y no que todo termine en un desastre!

Online Dating When You Are a Single Parent

You are a single mom or dad. Perhaps you had a difficult relationship and are glad to be out of it and perhaps you lost the love of your life due to accident or illness. Either way you are ready to have another adult back in your life and a little romance would be nice too. One of the problems for single parents when getting back into the dating world is the lack of time. You are holding down a job, raising the kids, and doing all of the household chores as well. But, here is where online dating comes to the rescue. We have previously noted that online dating is like speed dating. It gives you a chance to see lots of people, all of whom meet your criteria. For the time-strapped single parent online dating is an efficient way to get started. That having been said, what are some of the things to look out for in online dating when you are a single parent?

Too Desperate

One of the problems with a failed relationship, especially an abusive relationship, is that it leaves you with a reduced sense of self-esteem. You are desperate and will settle of any relationship because simply being with someone validates your poor sense of self-worth. Getting to like yourself is the cure for falling into this trap. And one of the best ways to get to like yourself is to be dating the right person. Find the right person to spend your life with. That may take a little more time but starting with the right online dating profile and a bit of self-confidence you will be on your way.

If you follow our usual advice and just got out with someone for enjoyment, you will learn more about yourself, more about people, and more about the person, or persons that you date. There is rarely a need to get married after the first date or two so take your time. What you may have thought was really important may become less of an issue with time. Things that never occurred to you may become important. Trust your instincts to find the right person to spend your life with. If you enjoy dating and enjoy a happy relationship that is a good sign that you will have a good life over the years.

The cure of this problem is to like yourself, take your time, and eventually find someone who is a joy and a help in your life. And, in the era of dating apps be careful about getting scammed.

And there are aspects of dating apps that should be avoided altogether. For example, do not give your exact current physical location to a perfect stranger! Dating apps such as Tinder and Grindr use GPS technology to let someone else with the service to know if you are in their area, providing that you are using the same service. If you do not want to be bait for a stalker, avoid these products.

The point of using a dating app should be to make your search for a new friend more efficient and successful and not for the whole thing to end in disaster!

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