About Juan Carlos

Juan Carlos has been a member since March 30th 2011, and has created 205 posts from scratch.

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When Dating How Soon Should You Talk about Your Past?

We have repeatedly mentioned that communication leads to lasting relationships. But, talking too soon about your recent divorce or other difficult issues can be a problem. And, some people have things in their past that they would just as soon not have everyone know about. Nevertheless, when the relationship gets to a certain point you will want to share some of this with the person you love. So, when dating how soon should you talk about your past? And, do you have to talk about it at all?

Several years ago the newspapers covered a story of an old woman told her secret on her death bed. She had been a spy in the First World War and even had a medal hidden away. Even her husband did not know that his wife was a national hero, albeit a hidden one. On the other hand, there are men and women who got into trouble with the law earlier in their lives. Perhaps they served time in prison. Now they have turned their lives around and are living normal lives. How soon should such a person talk about their past with their new friend?

How Soon to Talk about Your Past

If you have a secret in you past, like jail time, it makes no sense to talk about it on the first date or when you are first chatting online. After all, you may not like this person and may never see them again. On the other hand, by the time the two of you are being intimate and talking about a life together it may be past time to “come clean.” Telling your story too soon may simply scare off the person before they get to know you. Wait too long and you risk having your new friend accuse you of deception and outright lying. The best time is when you and your friend have moved past the first couple of dates and perhaps have a future together. So, how do you do this?

How to Talk about Your Past with the Person You Are Dating

WikiHow has good advice for how to tell a loved one about your criminal record. This advice can be tailored to fit any past history you need to tell them about.

Telling someone about mistakes and painful experiences from your past can be hard. You may feel wounded, but still feel like you did something wrong. There are things that you may be worried you will be judged for. You may be afraid to lose your loved one’s respect. On top of this, you may have lied or lied by omission; however, you will likely find that telling something you are hiding will lighten your mental burden. Your loved one will have an easier time understanding if you practice what you are going to say, discuss your feelings openly, and apologize sincerely.

They go on to suggest specific steps for how you should talk about our past.

  1. Choose your words
  2. Include details
  3. Explain how what you did relates to them including the lessons you learned so that how you got in trouble will not happen again
  4. Take your time working through what you want to say
  5. Rehearse, rehearse, and rehearse
  6. Pick the right time and place
  7. Speak honestly and apologize if you believe that you previously misled them
  8. Let them know that you are telling them this because you care for them and want the relationship to work
  9. Speak from your heart
  10. Accept their response even if they are hurt or angry or never want to see you again.

And, if have questions, answer them as clearly and honestly as you can.

A common concern with issues like a criminal record is if it will affect your life together in later years. You need to answer this as honestly as you can.

A person may be tempted to tell their story in parts but the risk here is that your friend will believe you were trying to mislead them. Practice your story. Tell your story. And, move on either with or without your new friend.

Resoluciones de citas en línea para el nuevo año

Se acerca el año nuevo y es hora de volver a resolver hacer cosas que hemos pospuesto o cosas que necesitamos hacer de manera diferente. Si ha estado saliendo en línea y no está satisfecho con los resultados, es el momento de las resoluciones de citas en línea para el Año Nuevo. Lo que deba resolver dependerá de su situación. Aqui hay algunas ideas.

Decide cuándo estás listo para salir de nuevo

Si acabas de romper con alguien, es posible que tengas que lidiar con varias cosas antes de volver a empezar. Decide tomarte un tiempo para pensar las cosas. Pase tiempo con amigos y familiares y deje que la vida vuelva a la normalidad antes de comenzar a buscar a otra persona. Y, cuando comiences, tómate un tiempo para conocerlos y no vuelvas a un romance intenso cuando aún no has descubierto qué fue lo que salió mal la última vez. Hemos escrito algunos artículos útiles sobre cómo la inseguridad, el orgullo, la ansiedad, el ego y otros rasgos pueden arruinar una relación. Echa un vistazo a ellos.

Encuentra el sitio de citas que necesitas

No todos los sitios de citas son iguales. Tómese un poco de tiempo para ver cuál es el mejor para sus necesidades. Si eres un adulto mayor, una sugerencia inteligente es evitar sitios gratuitos ya que los estafadores tienden a visitarlos en busca de víctimas. Además, los sitios pagados suelen tener más funciones de soporte para ayudarlo a publicar un currículum que probablemente llame la atención.

Aprende sobre ti mismo con las pruebas en línea

Hay rasgos de personalidad que atraen a otros rasgos de personalidad. Y existen pruebas en línea que lo ayudarán a aprender qué rasgos debe buscar en una relación de amigo, amante o a largo plazo. Aprovecha de ellos. Esta también es una buena razón para utilizar un sitio de citas en línea pagado, ya que muchos ofrecen dichas características.

Crear el mejor perfil de citas

Los grandes escritores siempre tienen que volver a escribir hasta que lo hagan bien. Este es el caso de un buen perfil de citas también. Siempre querrás ser sincero, pero asegúrate de mostrar tus mejores cualidades antes de que parezcas estar luciendo. Si el sitio de citas en línea ofrece ayuda a este respecto, tómatelos. No lo escribirán por usted, pero lo ayudarán a realizar cambios que pueden conducir al amor de su vida.

Toma un foto bueno

Claro, tienes muchas fotos para elegir para tu perfil de citas. Pero, una serie de “selfies” realmente no causará la mejor impresión. Si quieres “matarlos” con una foto, ve con un profesional. Obtén una imagen que incluye tu cabeza y hombros con iluminación y contraste profesionales. Puede hacer toda la diferencia en el mundo.

Trabaja en tu primer mensaje

Vas a tener éxito con tu nuevo sitio de citas en línea y un excelente perfil de citas. Entonces, resuelve trabajar en ese primer mensaje. Piensa en lo coqueto que quieres sin ser con parecer agresivo. Trabaja algo que no sea demasiado largo pero suficiente para llamar su atención. Asegúrese de revisar la ortografía y la gramática y nunca, nunca copie y pegue. Asegúrate de escribir sobre algo en su perfil para que tengas algo de qué hablar.

Se acerca el año nuevo y quieres tener éxito en las citas en línea. Entonces, ponte en marcha y resuelve hacer las cosas mejor el próximo año.

Online Dating Resolutions for the New Year

The New Year is approaching and it is time again to resolve to do things that we have put off or things we need to do differently. If you have been dating online and have not been happy with the results, it is time for online dating resolutions for the New Year. What you need to resolve to do will depend on your situation. Here are a few ideas.

Decide When You Are Ready to Date Again

If you just broke up with someone you may have several things to deal with before you start to date again. Resolve to take some time to think things through. Spend time with friends and family and let life return to normal before you start looking for someone else. And, when you so start out, take time to get to know them and do not jump right back into an intense romance when you still have not figured out what went wrong last time. We have written some useful articles about how insecurity, pride, anxiety, ego and other traits can ruin a relationship. Check them out.

Find the Dating Site You Need

Not all dating sites are the same. Take a little time to check out the best one for your needs. If you are a senior, a wise suggestion is to avoid free sites as scammers tend to visit them in search of victims. Also, paid sites typically have more support features to help you post a resume that is likely to gain attention.

Learn about Yourself with Online Testing

There are personality traits that attract other personality traits. And there are online tests that will help you learn what traits you should be looking for in a friend, lover, or long term relationship. Take advantage of them. This is also a good reason to use an paid online dating site as many offer such features.

Create the Best Dating Profile

Great writers always have to rewrite until they get it right. This is the case with a good dating profile as well. You will always want to be truthful but be sure to show off your best qualities short of seeming to be showing off. If you online dating site offers help in this regard take them up on it. They will not write it for you but they will help you make changes that may lead to the love of your life.

Get Your Picture Taken

Sure, you have lots of photos to choose from for your dating profile. But, a series of “selfies” really will not make the best impression. If you want to “knock them dead” with a photo, go with a professional. Get an image that includes your head and shoulders with professional lighting and contrast. It can make all the difference in the world.

Work on Your First Message

You are going to succeed with your new online dating site and excellent dating profile. So, resolve to work on that first message. Think about how flirty you want to be without seeming to aggressive. Work something that is not too long but enough to gain their attention. Make sure to check spelling and grammar and never, never copy and paste. Make sure to write about something in their profile so that you have something to chat about.

The New Year is approaching and you want to succeed at online dating. So, get going and resolve to do things better next year.

Si solo quieres ser amigos

Uno de los rechazos más dolorosos que muchos de nosotros recordamos de nuestros años de juventud es cuando dice que solo quieren ser buenos amigos. Antes, cuando tenías catorce años, estabas enamorado de la chica en tu clase de inglés. Finalmente, encontraste suficiente coraje para pedirle que fuera a una cita. Entonces la terrible verdad se hizo clara. Ella sonrió, como una hermana, y dijo que aunque a ella “le gustas mucho” solo quiere ser buena amiga. Al final del día escolar, la ves irse con el convertible conducido por su novio de dieciocho años, con la cabeza apoyada en su hombro. Notamos que esta experiencia fue, tal vez, una parte necesaria del crecimiento. Pero, si solo quieres ser buenos amigos hoy, ¿cómo puedes hacer que eso suceda?

Si solo quieres ser buenos amigos

Hay momentos, como después de una ruptura dolorosa, cuando necesitamos socializar pero no queremos volver a una relación romántica. En este caso, de hecho, solo estamos buscando un buen amigo o dos. ofrece algunos buenos consejos sobre cómo decir que solo quieres ser amigos.

Cuando se trata de citas, estar en la posición de tener que rechazar a alguien es tan incómodo como estar en el extremo receptor de un rechazo. Desafortunadamente, dejarle saber a alguien que no estás interesado en él es mejor que guiarlo porque no quieres herir sus sentimientos. Debes decirle cortésmente, pero en términos claros, que aunque te sientas halagado, solo quieres ser amigo.

Sus sugerencias son estas junto con nuestra opinión sobre sus respuestas.

Mantenlo simple y honesto

Si está claro que no desea seguir saliendo con esta persona por razones románticas, no mienta y no espere para decírselo a la otra persona. Realmente puedes decir que son una gran persona pero no la persona para ti. Siempre tienes derecho a decir eso y aferrarte a tus armas.

Apuntar para un resultado positivo

No asumas lo peor. Supongamos que ustedes dos posiblemente sean amigos pero no amantes. Recuerda que ninguno de los dos comenzó la relación con malos pensamientos en mente. Puedes decir que te sentiste halagado por su interés en ti y aun así respetar el esfuerzo. Pero, vas en una dirección diferente.

No tengas miedo de hacerte valer

Adhieren a sus armas. La otra persona puede comenzar a presentar argumentos sobre por qué debería quedarse allí más tiempo y darle otra oportunidad. ¡Puedes confiar en tus sentimientos, o falta de ellos! Y tú estás a cargo de tu propia vida. Si la otra persona comienza a ponerse agresiva, recuerde que realmente no quiere estar en una relación abusiva, diga no y váyase.

Estar preparado

Aunque le gustaría que esta otra persona responda como un adulto a usted, solicite ser solo amigos que pueden no suceder. De hecho, si crees que son inmaduros y es por eso que quieres romper cualquier apego romántico, puedes esperar una rabieta. Si la otra persona se enoja o incluso es abusiva, limite su respuesta para decirle que lamenta que se sienta así. Pero, puedes elegir con quién salir y quién es tu amigo. Si persisten, vete. No termines explicándote a ti mismo o que te molesten y te intimiden para “darle otra oportunidad”. Así como tienes derecho a romper un romance, es su derecho tener sentimientos y expresarlos. Pero, no es necesario que escuches una diatriba de largo aliento para herir tus sentimientos. ¡Lo que pasa solo vete y olvida la parte de la amistad!

If You Just Want to Be Friends

One of the most painful rejections many of us may remember from our younger years is when he or she says that they want to be just good friends. Back when you were fourteen you had a crush on the girl in your English class. Finally, you found enough courage to ask her to go on a date. Then the terrible truth became clear. She smiled, like a sister, and said that while she “liked you a lot” she only wants to be good friends. At the end of the school day you see her ride off with in the convertible driven by her eighteen-year-old boyfriend, head on his shoulder. We noted that this experience was, perhaps, a necessary part of growing up. But, if you just want to be good friends today, how can you make that happen?

If You Just Want to Be Good Friends

There are times, like after a painful breakup, when we need to socialize but do not want to jump right back into a romantic relationship. In this case we are, in fact, just looking for a good friend or two. offers some good advice on how to say you just want to be friends.

When it comes to dating, being in the position of having to reject someone is just as uncomfortable as being on the receiving end of a rejection. Unfortunately, letting someone know that you’re not interested in him is actually better than leading him on because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. You need to tell him politely but in no uncertain terms that although you’re flattered, you just want to be friends.

Their suggestions are these along with our take on their answers.

Keep It Simple and Honest

If it is clear that you do not want to keep dating this person for romantic reasons do not lie and do not wait to tell the other person. You really can say that they are a great person but not the person for you. You always have the right to say that and stick to your guns.

Aim for a Positive Outcome

Do not assume the worst. Assume that the two of you will possibly be friends but not lovers. Remember that neither of you started the relationship with bad thoughts in mind. You can say that you were flattered by their interest in you and still respect the effort. But, you are going a different direction.

Don’t Be Afraid to Assert Yourself

Stick to your guns. The other person may start making arguments for why you should hang in there longer and give it another try. You can trust your feelings, or lack of them! And you are in charge of your own life. If the other person starts getting pushy remember that you really do not want to be in an abusive relationship, say no, and leave.

Be Prepared

Although you would like that this other person responds like an adult to you request to just be friends that may not happen. In fact, if you think they are immature and that is why you want to break off any romantic attachment you may well expect a tantrum. If the other person becomes angry or even abusive, limit your response to telling them you are sorry they feel that way. But, you get to choose who it is that you go out with and who is your friend. If they persist, leave. Do not end up explaining yourself or being nagged and browbeaten into “giving it another chance.” Just as it is your right to break off a romance it is his or her right to have feelings and to express them. But, you do not need to listen to a long-winded tirade mean to hurt your feelings. It that happens just leave and forget the friendship part!

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