We wrote recently about looking for companionship. If you want a companion just to have fun with, to have sex with or to spend your life with you need to commit on some level. Many people who drift from date to date and friend to friend are afraid to commit. Why is that? Here are some thoughts on why you might be afraid to commit.
Many people live with fears of being hurt, being dominated or being rejected. If they open up to the person they are with they feel vulnerable and believe in their heart of hearts that they will be harmed physically or emotionally. Feeling vulnerable is a common reason why people are afraid to commit.
Never Good Enough
A common reason why people are afraid to commit is that they believe that there is someone better than the person they are dating. This is often the case with competitive people who always want to win and want to be seen with the perfect partner. People who never see their partners as good enough often have difficulty relating on a personal level to anyone and often get married only to get divorced when their relationship does not turn out to be the perfection that they imagined.
It would seem that every little girl dreams of her prince charming, the perfect man who will sweep her off her feet, protect her, provide for her and be there for her every need. The problem is that we live in a real world and not a fairy tale. There may be a few very specific things that you require of a partner but if the list gets too long you are looking for perfection and will likely keep doing so for the rest of your lonely life. At some level you need to commit to a person that you like and work together to build a happy relationship.
A Happy Relationship Is Not Being Trapped
There is a time to meet new people, play around and have fun and there is a time to decide what to do with your life. If you do not want to get trapped in a relationship you may simply not be ready to settle down. On the other hand most people aim for a relationship with the person whom they love. If you are afraid to commit you will find that the fun times get tiring and the faces all start to look the same. Do not be afraid to commit to the right person.
Not Everyone Is Like Your “Ex”
You are out of a bad relationship and afraid to commit to a new one for fear of being trapped again with someone you really do not like. Don’t assume that everyone is like your “ex.” If you are dating again after a divorce remember that all people are different. Don’t hurry but don’t be afraid to commit when the time is right. If the relationship you were in ended badly you may be hesitant to start dating again after divorce. Here is where social occasions are good. Get out with people and don’t really “date” anyone. You will feel better and perhaps meet someone whom you can date comfortably. Take it slow and easy. There is no law that says that you have to jump right back into any relationship. And there is not law that says you need to be unduly suspicious of every new person that you meed.