A generation or more ago it was common to see columns offering advice to the lovelorn in every newspaper in the country. With the demise of big city newspapers we have also seen the demise of advice to the lovelorn offers. Anyone who routinely encounters a series of hot first dates or commonly finds sex on the first date need not read on. But for the rest of us who from time to time feel lonely, even in relationships, a little advice to the lovelorn may be helpful.
Dictionary Definitions of Lovelorn:
Bereft of love or one’s lover
Miserable because of unrequited love or unhappiness in love
Being without love or a lover
Unhappy in love; suffering from unrequited love
Lovesick, mooning, slighted, pining, yearning, languishing, spurned, jilted, moping, unrequited, crossed in love
For many if not most people the point of dating is not just the sex but the wish to be with someone. It is the wish to be loved, cherished, and to feel important at least to one person. If we want to be loved and are without a friend, companion, or lover we are often miserable. We may have had a relationship and been jilted or have longed for someone’s attention and never received it. Whatever the chain of events we are in the end lovelorn. How can one avoid this dilemma and what can one do about it? Read on for a bit of advice to the lovelorn. And, yes, even someone who routinely gets sex on the first date can be lonely and bereft of love.
Love Thine Own Self
Shakespeare’s character, Polonius, says to be true to yourself and you will in turn be true to every other person. We would like to modify this saying to say that when you learn to love yourself you in turn both learn to love others and attract their love. Basically self-hatred and self-loathing are relationship killers and self-love is the key to success in the games of love and life.
We have previously written that confidence wins in dating. People like a winner and when you are a winner you like yourself as well. We are not talking about being all puffed up and snooty but rather liking yourself and allowing others into your presence to like you as well. If you want a happy relationship learn to communicate. And you will communicate the best when you give yourself a break. Do not dwell on the pain of life but rather on the opportunities and promise. When told that life is rotten and then you die, a wise old man once noted that life is full of hope and promise and we have but to find our way. Take this approach and the glass is always half full instead of half empty.
When you find yourself obsessing over someone it commonly has more to do with your fears and self-rejection than with the value of the object of your obsession. Learn to like yourself and you will be able to move on when the person that you really find attractive is not available or really not interested. There are always other people to go out with and there are always folks who will like and fall in love with you if you let them. That is the basis of our advice to the lovelorn.