How Much Do You Have to Pay to Get a Date?

We have written time and again that online dating and dating apps open up the dating universe. You get your name and face in front of more people and you get to check out and meet a lot of people. The speed dating aspect of online dating sites and dating apps is a big part of why they are so popular. Traditional speed dating is usually free as are many dating sites but in life you typically get what you pay for. So, is it worth your while to pay a little money for these tools? In short how much do you have to pay to get a date? Bloomberg writes about how apps are getting you to pay for dates.

Between the countless mobile dating services on the market-Bumble, Tinder, Grindr, Her, OkCupid, Scruff, and Hinge among them-today’s young lovers have access to more potential mates than ever. And they’re increasingly willing to pay for it.
Among millennials’ favorites are swipe pioneer Tinder, Sadie Hawkins-inspired Bumble, and Hinge, which boasts the most millennial-dominated user base. (Ninety percent of its users are aged 23 to 36.) These apps have gently begun to sway their user base to a paid model.

Tinder launched a paid monthly subscription-$4.58 to $9.99 a month, based on the length of subscription-and in-app purchases in spring 2015. Bumble was free until August, when it launched a monthly subscription service-$6 to $9.99 a month. The most recent convert is Hinge, which had been free since 2013 but this month began charging $7 a month for its paid service.

Despite often being without full time work and paying off student or other loans millennials are still willing to pay to get a date.  Of course online sites like eHarmony have been charging for their services for years. In fact match making services predate the internet era and have also been costly for quality service. So, if you want to use these services how much do you have to pay?

Cost per Service by Month

The site lists these sites with prices. Free $30/month $50/month
EHarmony: $60/month

However many services are available with discounts. Here is a list from the site with discounts built in.

Match: 12.79/month
OKCupid: Free, One month A list subscription-$7.95
eHarmony: $11.95/month
Zoosk: Free, subscription for 6 months for $12.49/month
FriendFinder: Gold-$11.95/month, Silver-$10.95/month
Lavalife: Free, six month subscription for $10/month $11.66/month
Tinder: free, Tinder Plus-$9.99 for users under 30, $19.99 for users over 30
SpeedDate: $12.95/month

So if you end up with one real date per months you get by for free with a couple of these sites and pay $60 a date for eHarmony.
Of course the quality of the date is important whether you are looking for a hot first date or a long term happy relationship.  Either way you will get what you pay for and it does not hurt to shop around from one site to the next to see what fits your needs.

Qué Tan Común Es El Sexo En La Primera Cita

A pesar de nuestras continuas fantasías sobre una primera cita caliente e incluso sexo en la primera cita, que eso pase no es la norma. ¿Qué tan común es el sexo en la primera cita? Glamour dice que no es tan común.

¿Alguna vez has sentido que casi todo el mundo está abandonando sus inhibiciones y lazándose a la cama en la primera cita? De acuerdo con una nueva encuesta de “Dating Advice”, la realidad es todo lo contrario: Sólo uno de cada tres adultos estadounidenses admiten haber ido a la cama en una primera cita, lo que significa que dos tercios de nosotros estamos esperando al menos llegar a la cita Nº 2 antes de desnudarnos y cerrar el trato.

Resulta que los hombres son más propensos a tener relaciones sexuales en la primera cita con un 46%, mientras que solo el 33% de las mujeres dicen que sí en la primera cita. Las probabilidades de tener relaciones sexuales en la primera cita son mayores si estás divorciado con 45%, seguido por soltero con 36%, y tercer lugar casado con 31%.

El estudio no analizó como la relación evolucionó dependiendo de si la pareja tuvo relaciones sexuales en la primera cita o no.

Una Regla Anticuada

Cosmopolitan dice que sexo en la primera cita está bien y que la regla de esperar a más adelante es anticuada.

“En esta epoca, más personas reconocen al sexo como un componente importante de una relación exitosa, no algo de lo que avergonzarse,” dice Justin Lehmiller, PhD, un psicólogo social de la Universidad de Harvard que estudia las relaciones y la sexualidad. “Para aquellas personas, es importante establecer compatibilidad sexual desde el principio, y teniendo sexo en la primera cita puede ser la decisión correcta para ellos.”

A final de cuentas, “esnu’arte” con un tipo que solo has conocido por 2 horas y media, puede no ser lo tuyo, y eso también está bien. El punto es que las reglas de citas tradicionales (como “Nada de sexo hasta la tercera cita”) y las expresiones anticuadas como la vil “¿Para qué comprar la vaca cuando se puede conseguir la leche gratis?” Son anticuadas y perjudiciales- producen toda esta ansiedad y vergüenza innecesaria sobre algo normal y natural como lo son: las citas y el sexo.

Solía ser de conocimiento popular que un hombre pensaba menos de una mujer si ella aceptaba tener sexo en la primera cita. De acuerdo a Cosmo el 83% de las mujeres todavía cree eso, mientras que el 67% de los hombres dice que haber tenido relaciones sexuales en la primera cita no les hace pensar menos de la mujer.

El argumento de Cosmo es que si se siente adecuado hazlo. Nuestra principal preocupación es que la mujer no sienta que está siendo obligada a hacer algo que no quiere hacer y tener relaciones sexuales en la primera cita no necesariamente lleva a una relación abusiva.

Saber cómo evitar una relación abusiva puede significar la diferencia entre la felicidad y la infelicidad, la seguridad y lesiones graves. La muerte por punzante de una joven en Los Angeles, California, un una cafetería escolar ha sido en las noticias últimamente. Hubo muchas señales antes del asesinato de esta joven. Saber cómo evitar una relación abusiva no sólo nos ayuda a evitar el trauma psicológico pero también agresiones físicas e incluso la muerte. Saber cómo evitar una relación abusiva por lo general comienza con la autoestima de la persona. Cuando una persona se valora tiene autoestima porque desde pequeño lean enseñado. Entonces esta persona sabe diferenciar una relación abusiva.

Si el sexo en la primera cita no es consensual ten cuidado y evita comenzar una relación abusiva.

Too Much Analysis Does Not Lead to Dating Success

Sometimes in dating we think too much. The fact of the matter is that too much analysis does not lead to dating success. The Washington Post published an article, the only dating advice I need, in which the author argues that point.

I have been on more than 100 first dates. These have run the gamut from the awful five-minute Tinder date that ended when we ran into his ex-girlfriend (a woman I happened to know) to the fantastic six-hour tour of Oahu that ended with a home-cooked dinner at his beachfront house. But as epic as some of these dates were, I hardly ever got an offer of a second date. I was a one-date wonder.

When this happens to you it is time to step back and consider your approach. And that is what the author did. In her case it came down to liking herself and not trying too hard to be liked and appreciated. We have written about how confidence wins in dating.

Confidence wins in dating because men and women alike are drawn to self-assured people. No one is looking for a lot of drama in a partner. Rather someone who knows what he or she wants and goes about getting it quietly, in a businesslike manner, and successfully is attractive to both sexes.

Like yourself and go from there. The author of the Post article found that when she quit worrying about how to impress the new man in her life she could ask the question, do I really like this guy? That led to conversation as she tried to find out more about the person she had just met. And, of course, good communication leads to lasting relationships.

The person you met on the internet may be attractive and even wealthy. But, does he or she talk to you? Is he or she funny? When he or she does talk is it in communication or complaints, orders, and/or boring details of the past that you hear? Communication is a two way street. Give and take are the basics of good communication. When looking for someone to spend your life with look for a person who talks to you and listens to you, not someone who lectures or talks as though you were not there.

Too much analysis does not lead to dating success. But self-confidence, interest in the other person and a forthright manner tend to lead to dating and relationship success.

Why Are You Dating?

Are you dating in order to find a mate and have children? Or are you dating in order to socialize and have a good time? Too much analysis too soon is a sure recipe for failure in dating. A lot of what we know about a person only comes with time and we cannot hurry it along. And there are relationships that were never meant to be. So, be confident. Take your time. Decide if you really like the person you have just met. And let them do some of the work, if they are interested, in developing a relationship.

¿Todos Los Hombres Quieren Sexo en La Primera Cita?

A menudo mencionamos que el sexo en la primera cita es una fantasía común y para algunos un objetivo constante. Pero ¿todos los chicos quieren tener relaciones en la primera cita? Un sitio web llamado Last First Date, última primera cita en ingles,  tiene un punto de vista interesante sobre por qué todos los hombres quieren tener relaciones sexuales en la primera cita.

Los hombres me han contado que casi siempre piensan en sexo en la primera cita. Ellos puede que no hagan o digan nada al respecto, pero se sienten atraídos o no. Si no lo están, no te dirán para salir de nuevo. Si sí lo están, es probable que deseen besarse y acostarse contigo después de la 1ª o 2ª cita.

Eso no hace a los hombres malos o que carentes de buenos valores. Esto hace a los hombres HOMBRES. Ellos simplemente están actuando sobre su atracción, mientras que las mujeres a menudo prefieren cierto nivel de compromiso antes de dormir con un hombre.

El consejo del escritor es el siguiente.

Yo creo que hay que amarse a sí mismo en primer lugar. Tienes que conocer bien tus estándares antes de involucrarte con nadie. Mi principio en línea general para las citas es que si has construido un nivel de confianza con un hombre y te respetas a ti misma, está bien volverse sexualmente activos – cuando estén listos.

Un hombre puede desear sexo de inmediato, pero eso no significa que tengas que ceder a su petición.

Aconsejo a mis clientes a esperar a una relación exclusiva antes de dormir con un hombre. Está bien tener intimidad física de otras maneras si se quiere, pero tienes que dejarle claro al hombre cuáles son tus estándares.

Si un chico está avanzando demasiado rápido, no lo taches como imbécil. Él se siente atraído por ti, pero puede que no tenga la sutileza para ser reservado al respecto.

Si te gusta el chico házselo saber. Y luego, se clara con él. Tomas las riendas de tus sentimientos y necesidades.

Así que ¿los chicos quieren tener relaciones sexuales en la primera cita? Si te encuentra atractiva, la idea de tener relaciones sin duda ha cruzado su cabeza. Sin embargo, la gran mayoría de los hombres sólo activamente buscaran sexo en la primera cita solo si se les dan alas. Si absolutamente no quieres sexo en la primera cita, no te vistas o actúes como si quisieras. Recuerda lo que dijimos en nuestro artículo sobre una primera cita caliente.

Una sonrisa deslumbrante, una mirada sugerente, y prendas reveladoras pueden abrir el camino a una primera cita caliente. Debido a la posibilidad de que la primera cita pueda ser una decepción, una mujer puede que quiera usar una chaqueta sobre su vestido, si es revelador. Si el encuentro no promete ser una primera cita caliente la chaqueta se queda en su lugar.

El punto es que puedes conservar la posibilidad, si lo deseas, pero decidir cuando llegue el momento, si quieres sexo en la primera cita o no.

¿Quién Paga en La Primera Cita?

Hubo un tiempo en el que el niño u hombre siempre pagaba en la primera cita y todas las citas que siguen. Luego la liberación femenina llegó y eso se convirtió en un tema delicado. ¿Quién paga en la cita hoy? ¿Qué hay de la persona que hace la invitación? ¿Paga o simplemente dividen la cuenta? ¿Cada quien paga su consumo? Éstos son los pensamientos provenientes de diversas fuentes.

El Rol Básico del Hombre es el de Proveedor y Protector

De acuerdo con Jeannie Assimos de eHarmony, el rol básico de los hombres en una relación es el de proveedor y protector. Ella habla de las primeras citas y quién debe pagar. Ahora bien, hoy en día hay mujeres que ganan más dinero que el hombre con quien están saliendo. Y hay mujeres que defienden ferozmente su independencia. Sin embargo, la mayoría de las mujeres están buscando a alguien que sea seguro, estable y fuerte.

Cuando de comprender las leyes de polaridad se trata, hay que entender que la energía masculina tiene sólo dos cosas que ofrecer a la femenina. En pocas palabras, es su trabajo proteger y proveer. Para que la energía femenina pueda relajarse en una relación y baje la guardia, ella debe sentirse absolutamente “segura” y si no lo hace, se acabó el juego.

Con el fin de sentirse segura, es probable que tenga que estar en la compañía de un hombre en quien confíe, relajada. Él no sólo tiene que cuidar de sí mismo, sino también de ella. Esto significa que tiene que sentirse protegida y segura en su compañía, tanto de él como fuerzas externas. Ella también tiene que sentir que el hombre puede mantener las necesidades de ella y cuidarla. Obviamente, la forma más fácil y más simbólica para demostrar esto, es proporcionando la comida que están compartiendo.

Para que esto funcione el hombre necesita proyectar confianza y la mujer tiene que aceptar con gratitud el ofrecimiento de pagar por la comida, el entretenimiento y la noche entera. Si esta no es la forma en que van a funcionar las cosas entonces la pareja debe hablar de ello desde el principio, porque se convertirá en un tema recurrente.

Cada Quien Paga Lo Suyo

¿Cuándo es mejor que la pareja comparta la cuenta? Algunas relaciones empiezan como amistades y lentamente avanzan al plano romántico. Como amigos compartirán la cuenta o se turnarán para pagar. Cuando uno de ustedes está corto de dinero el otro corre con los gastos. Y cuando alguno decida que es hora de pasar de una amistad a una relación romántica será el momento de concretar una cita real. Ahora si alguno quiere seguir siendo solo buenos amigos este es buen momento para insistir en continuar la relación financiera y social actual.

Evitar Situaciones de Pagar Para Jugar

Una situación que la mujer tiene que evitar es aquella en la que el hombre cree que porque él está pagando puede pedir lo que quiera cuando quiera. Cómo evitar una relación abusiva es no tener una. Si su nuevo amigo cree que porque paga la comida y bebidas conseguirá lo que quiera sin tener en cuenta tus deseos, dirígete a la salida y no contestes más sus llamadas.

What Are the Pros and Cons of Online Dating?

Online dating arrived shortly after the advent of the internet. Is this a better approach that waiting to meet someone without the use of a computer or other electronic gadgets? What are the pros and cons of online dating? Ideally you post your bio, attract a bunch of interested people, pick and choose and end up with the love of your life. Alternatively you fall for someone whom you never see and get taken in an identity theft scheme and lose thousands of dollars. Here are a few more thoughts about the pros and cons of online dating.

Love at First Sight

You might find yourself smitten by someone whom you meet online. Does the online dating form of love at first sight last? We wrote about this years ago and offered a case of love at first sight working out very well.

On this web site we usually try to take an objective approach to dating, internet dating, and the development of relationships. But, sometimes the truth is more in what we feel than in a logical and reasoned view of life.
A few years ago I flew from the USA to Panama to visit an old friend. After a few days in the warmth and sunshine of Panama City I decided that I would return to live here, eventually. My friend suggested that I check out the city, walk around a bit, learn to use the bus system, and learn how to flag down a taxi during rush hour. It was during one of my forays about the city that I sought shelter from a torrential downpour under the roof of a restaurant. A pretty waitress came to my table. “Que quiere, mi amor,” she greeted me. (I knew enough Spanish to know that what she meant was, what would I like, without much emphasis on the “mi amor.” But I was already lost.

The bottom line to this story is that we have been happily married for 9 years. This can work via the internet as well. The advantage of an internet dating site is that you can meet a lot more people and not have to wait until a tropical downpour forces you into a restaurant where maybe the love of your life awaits. Online dating is like speed dating on steroids.

The Downside Potential

Do you really want every jerk with the same dating app to know where you and keep badgering you? That can be the problem with online dating apps.

If you take the traditional approach or use one of the new dating apps that cut to the chase make sure to meet in a public place and know what you are going to do if the situation becomes uncomfortable so that you can leave promptly or what you are going to do if this is the person of your dreams and you want to stay all night!

Remember that in online dating as in all aspects of life common sense is your best friend.

How Common Is Sex on the First Date

Despite our continuing fantasies about a hot first date and even sex on the first date these occurrences are not the norm. How common is sex on the first date? Glamour says not that common to have sex on the first date.

Have you ever felt like almost everyone is ditching inhibitions and diving into bed on the first date? According to a new survey by Dating Advice, the opposite is actually true: Just one in three American adults admit to having hit the sack on a first date, which means two thirds of us are waiting at least for Date No. 2 before we get naked and get down.

It turns out that men are more likely to have sex on the first date at 46% while women 33% of women say yes on the first date. Your odds of having sex on the first date are greater if you are divorced 45% followed by single at 36% followed by married at 31%.

The study did not look at how the relationship went afterwards depending on if the couple had sex on the first date or not.

An Outdated Rule

Cosmopolitan says that first date sex is OK and that the rule of thumb to wait for later is outdated.

“In this day and age, more people recognize sex as an important component of a successful relationship, not something to be ashamed of,” says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a social psychologist at Harvard who studies relationships and sexuality. “For those people, it’s important to establish sexual compatibility early on, and having sex on the first date may be the right move for them.”

Ultimately, getting nekkid with some dude you’ve known for only 2.5 hours may not be your thing, and that’s fine too. The point is that hard-and-fast dating rules (like “No sex till date three”) and old-fashioned expressions like the vile “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” are antiquated and harmful-they produce all this unnecessary anxiety and shame about something normal and natural: dating and sex.

It used to be common wisdom that a man thought less of women if she consented to sex on the first date. Women still believe that according to Cosmo at 83% while it turns out that 67% of men say that having had sex on the first date does not make them think less of the woman.

Cosmo’s argument is that if it feels right go ahead and do it. Our primary concern is that the woman does not feel that she is being forced into doing something that she does not want to do and having sex on the first date does not lead to an abusive relationship.

Knowing how to avoid an abusive relationship can mean the difference between happiness and unhappiness, safety and serious bodily injury. The stabbing death of a young woman in Los Angeles, California, school cafeteria has been in the news lately. There were many cues preceding the murder of this young woman. Knowing how to avoid an abusive relationship not only helps us avoid psychological trauma but physical assault and even death. Knowing how to avoid an abusive relationship usually starts with the person’s own self esteem. When we like ourselves and feel good about ourselves we tend to avoid situations and relationships that are psychologically and physically abusive.

To the extent that sex on the first date is not consensual be careful and avoid getting into an abusive relationship.

Do All Guys Want Sex on the First Date?

We often mention that sex on the first date is a common fantasy and for some a constant goal. But do all guys want sex on the first date? A web site named Last First Date has an interesting take on why all men want to have sex on the first date.

Men have shared with me that they almost always think about sex on a first date. They may not act upon it or say anything to you, but they are either attracted or not. If they’re not attracted, you won’t be asked out again. If they are attracted, they will probably want to make out with you and sleep with you after the 1st or 2nd date.

That doesn’t make men bad or lacking good values. It makes men MEN. They are simply acting on their attraction, while women often want more of a commitment before sleeping with a man.

The writer’s advice is this.

I believe you have to love yourself first and foremost. You have to know your relationship standards before you get involved with anyone. My general principle in dating is that if you have built a level of trust with a man and you honor yourself, it’s okay to become sexually active – when you are ready.

A man may want sex right away, but that doesn’t mean you have to give in to his request.

I advise my clients to wait for an exclusive relationship before sleeping with a man. It’s okay to be physically intimate in other ways if you like, but you need to be clear with your man about what your standards are.

If a guy is moving too fast, don’t discount him as an a-hole or a jerk. He’s attracted to you, but he may not have the finesse to be classy about it.

If you like the guy let him know. And then, you get clear with him. You take charge of your feelings and needs.

So, do guys want sex on the first date? If he finds you attractive the thought of having sex has certainly crossed his mind. However, the vast majority of men will only pursue sex on the first date if they are encouraged. If you absolutely do not want sex on the first date do not dress or act like you do. Remember what we said in our article about a hot first date.

A bright smile, a suggestive glance, and revealing garments can lead the way to a hot first date. Because of the chance that the first date will be a disappointment a women may want to wear a jacket over her revealing dress. If the encounter does not promise to be a hot first the date the jacket stays in place.

The point is that you can preserve the opportunity if you wish but decide when the time comes if you want sex on the first date or not.

Who Pays on the First Date?

Once upon a time the boy or man or always paid on the first date and all subsequent dates. Then woman’s lib came along and it became a touchy subject. Who pays on the first date today? How about the person who does the inviting pays or you just agree to split the bill, Dutch treat? Here are thoughts from various sources.

The Man’s Basic Role is Provider and Protector

According to Jeannie Assimos of eHarmony the basic role of men in a relationship is that of provider and protector. She talks about first dates and who should pay. Now, there are women today who earn more money that the man whom they are dating. And there are women who fiercely defend their independence. Nevertheless, most women are looking for someone who is secure, stable and strong.

When it comes down to understanding the Laws of Polarity, masculine energy only has two gifts to offer the feminine. Simply put, it’s his job to protect and provide. In order for feminine energy to relax into a relationship and let her guard down, she absolutely must feel “safe” and if she doesn’t, it’s game over.

In order to feel safe, she probably has to be in the company of a man who is confident, relaxed and grounded. He has to not only take care of himself, but also take care of her. This means she has to feel protected and safe in his company-both from outside forces-and from him. She also needs to feel like he can provide for her needs and look after her. Obviously, the easiest and most symbolic way to demonstrate that is by providing the meal you are sharing.

For this to work the man needs to project confidence and the woman needs to graciously accept the offer to pay for the meal, entertainment and whole evening. If this is not how it is going to work then the couple needs to talk about it up front because it will become a recurring issue.

Dutch Treat Dates

When does it work best for the couple to share the bill? Some relationships start as friendships and slowly work into the romantic. As friends the two of you will share the bill or take turns paying. When one of you is short of cash the other covers expenses. And when he decides that it is time to move from friends to dating it would be time to arrange a real date and pick up the tab. If she wants to remain just good friends this is good time insist on continuing the current financial and social relationship.

Avoid Play and Pay Situations

A situation that woman need to avoid is one in which the man believes that since he is paying the bill he gets whatever he wants whenever he wants it. How to avoid an abusive relationship is to never get into one. If your new found male friend thinks that by paying for a meal and drinks that he gets whatever he wants regardless of your wishes, head for the exit and don’t answer his calls.

Como Seducir a una Chica en 3 Minutos

Piensa en una combinación entre citas rápidas y sexo en la primera cita. Cómo seducir a una chica en tres minutos requiere un poco de ambas. Las citas rápidas por lo general son un método de conocer a una gran cantidad de personas en un período corto de tiempo, pero también puede ser el primer paso en el camino a la seducción. Hace dos semanas hablamos sobre cómo seducir a una chica hablando.

Las frases [de levante] más exitosas son a menudo cosas sinceras que le decimos a la gente. Salir de tu camino para elogiar a una persona que conoces o, tal vez, no tanto, es una gran manera de provocar un poco de interés sin hacer una demostración exagerada de agrado. Una vez que tengas toda la atención del hombre o la mujer que te gusta, una clara señal de tu interés por él o ella como persona a menudo funciona bien. Sonríe y di, me gustaría pasar más tiempo contigo.

En ese momento deberías ser capaz de decir si ella pareciera estarse interesando por ti o no. Una sonrisa deslumbrante, una mirada sugerente, y prendas reveladoras pueden abrir el camino a una primera cita caliente. Los hombres deberían usar ropa que no sea completamente reveladora, pero sí que resalte sus atributos físicos. Pero recuerda que, como el famoso hombre de Estado Henry Kissinger dijo, el poder es el mayor afrodisíaco. Una tranquila confianza en ti mismo puede ser tan o más atractiva que un cuerpo de fisicoculturista.

El Interruptor del Sí o No

Los seres humanos estamos programados para juzgar a las personas a primera vista. Esto puede no parecer justo desde un punto de vista social, pero esta habilidad tiene ventajas de supervivencia y por lo tanto se ha convertido en parte de nuestra composición. Quieres causar una gran primera impresión. De esa manera tendrás la mitad del trabajo hecho. Cómo seducir a una chica en tres minutos es mucho más fácil si su apariencia personal y tu forma de ser le quita el aliento.

El Dónde Puede que Sea Tan Importante Como el Cómo

Si quieres seducir a una chica en tres minutos necesitas tener toda su atención. Esto descarta verse en un ruidoso bar o ir a una obra de teatro, un concierto o película. ¿Recuerdas por qué las idas al cina son malas primeras citas? La única excepción a esta regla, es la parte trasera de una sala oscura y mayormente vacía si lo que pretendes es que se besen apasionadamente. Pero de ser así ¿no preferirías estar en un lugar más cómodo?

Y Cuando Tengas Éxito

Si tienes éxito seduciendo a una chica en tan sólo tres minutos se trata solo sobre la caza o estás interesado en algo más allá de un polvo de una sola noche y presumirle a tus amigos? Recuerda nuestro artículo sobre cómo evitar tener muchas citas y no concretar una relación El punto a final de cuentas es tener una relación y una vida feliz. Si cómo seducir a una chica en tres minutos es parte de lograr esos objetivos a largo plazo, sería buena habilidad de cultivar.

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